I'm to stupid for this, you have to come here an explain me. Would you do that?

I'm not falling for that "too stupid" part, young lady!
But sure, thanks for the invitation! But let's make it in the summer, yes?

Young lady? I'm not young anymore...
Summer is OK, but I cannot guarantee hot weather.

Well, you're not old, fruitcake!
Anything above freezing will do, thank you!
Guess I need to decorate the board for the holidays. I've been waiting for Lecia to do it. Hey, Lecia, get your kindbum out here and decorate the board!

How many holidays are you having?

As few as possible? Christmas and New Years.

where's the silver lining- its Christmas eve, the shops are shut and i've forgotten to buy the turkey!

The shops are shut and all the turkeys are extinct. But you found a book on your shelf and opened it up to Matthew and read the true meaning of Christmas and your heart filled with more joy than any Turkey could ever give you!
I got bitten in the eye by a nasty spider!

But now you have extraordinary powers ala Spiderman
I have to poop twice a day now.

But while pooping the second time, you read a magazine article and learn something that changes your life for the better!
My truck has a funny sound coming from under the hood...