I do have help with the binge eating stuff. In fact, I got help right after the incident that gave me the fissure. I use a 12 step program, so I have one-on-one help, weekly meetings and a network of group meetings/people I can call. Its a good thing. They don't, however, understand having a fissure. Its a hard fact for me that the last six months have been the most in-control and healthy with my eating patterns that I have ever experienced and that all this "being good" has had zero impact on reducing my pain levels.
I wonder if my body being denied all the neuro-chemicals that get released when we eat junk food are making the pain worse. Long-term, junk food is terrible, but short term, it feels good! That's why we keep eating it. I also feel like I've made a lot of strides emotionally. And that is all really good stuff, but I don't get to enjoy it. All my energy is wrapped up in poop.
I feel like life is conspiring to keep me down. Without this challenge, my life would be very different right now. I know that a lot of people around here have better eating habits than they've ever had before. And everyone is experiencing problems that happen because they have to put their life on hold while they spend hours in the bathroom.
I'm going to try medicating with the percocet before my BM tomorrow. I stopped that because I was worried that it was interfering with the urge to move my bowels and making me push, but its worth another shot. One of the principles of pain management is that it is always easier to prevent pain than to stop it once it starts.