Day 4
No poop today, but I had a ton of diarrhea last night, so I don't think there is much to eliminate.
I'm managing the pain better. Contrary to what a lot of other people around here have done, I've emphasized being on a regular schedule with Percocet. I'm not constipated at all. My doctor prescribed laxatives to prevent that from happening. If I don't keep up with the percocet, I wind up feeling really sick. I've got enough medicine to last me 6 more days at this rate. I'm hoping I'll be better soon enough to not have to get a re-fill.
I did do a little work today, and it felt really great to get back into my routine again. But I am very tired. I had no idea this would take so much out of me.
The good news is that I'm able to sit up today. In fact, once or twice, I sat without thinking about it - just like sitting is the most natural think in the world. Maybe I am getting better.

Sounds good. Everybody's healing is a little different. It is great to have everyones experience on here as a guide. You know your own body and what works and what you need to get better. Day 4 sounds like great progress to be sitting without thinking. :D Hopefully you will slowly come back into balance with the consistency of your BMs. xx Pia

Coconut, hi there, sorry I missed the days of your surgery, I am glad you are doing good, sorry about the problem post op and urination, that thing down there they use is not funny when you can not urinated, I was put on a catheter for two days on my first surgery and a week later developed a bladder infection.
I also get uncontrollable shaking on all my surgeries. It has to do with the anesthesia and also the horrible nausea.
Hopefully things will keep getting better, after reading that your fissure was deep just make sure you take care of yourself so recovery doesn't take that long.

Well, this is new. I'm having spasm pain. I haven't had that specific kind of pain since the surgery. All my pain has been local to the incisions and an all over torso ache. The spasm is kinda freaky. Just on the left side, opposite of where they did the LIS. It disappeared right away, so that's good. But I was rather hoping that at least the spasms would be gone for good.
I know I tend to panic, and I'm trying to keep myself chill, but I'm feeling a lot of anger towards the doctor. I feel like they cut too much. This recovery is way more than I signed up for. A little more sensitive today because today its been a week. I'm supposed to go in for a check up, but I really feel like, if this CRS tries to stick his finger in my still sore rectum, I will turn around and punch him.
I am recovering, slowly. I'm worried that I made the wrong decision. That maybe another diet change... or using more herbs in my baths... or letting go of some emotion... or using acupuncture more. That I gave up too soon.
Its a rather blue day.

Hi Coconut,
I'm so sorry you're struggling, but remember you had two surgeries (LIS and "fissurectomy") so you've got a lot to recover from. It's to be expected that the recovery will be more intense and take longer. I'm not really that surprised that you would be having some spasm pain. The muscle isn't totally out of service (or you would be incontinent) and you've some pretty big wounds to recover from. Some Valium might be really helpful for that during your recovery.
As far as the blues, it is very common after surgery. The anesthesia and the painkillers, combined with the pain and the disruption in your life (as well as this being your first surgical experience and not knowing what to expect) are all naturally going to influence you. I would encourage you to try really hard to be gentle with yourself and just let those thoughts of regret and anger arise and then allow them to let go of you. As an acupuncturist you are in tune with chi and understand that these thoughts can congeal and cause blockages.
You are another day out from surgery, another day closer to healing. Keep returning to this, to today, to what's in front of you now.
And know we're all holding your healing in our thoughts and hearts right along with you.

Yah. I noticed this morning that I'm having much less weeping. The wound is healing, I'm just not getting the reduction in pain that I'm looking for. I gave myself an acupuncture treatment for stress, and suddenly, my a$$ feels better. I think a lot of the problem is that my nervous system is just flippin out. And yah, my feelings about where all those doctors went and what they did to me when they where down there had to come up eventually. They had my consent, and it was all in the name of healing, but its still a really violating procedure. In the mean time, no follow-up visits to the surgeon until the urge to hit him with a closed fist passes.
As for the valium, I don't have any of that. I don't think the black market is really a good idea in my condition. lol

coconut you are healing, some people heal faster than others, some experience more pain than others.
But the key is healing, it doesn't matter how it comes as long as you are healing.
You only have one week post op, things will get better, keep doing what you can to feel better, be acupuncture, deep tissue massage or just meditation, it all works to some point.
Take care of yourself and let the healing time take over.

Day 9
The good news is that the LIS wound is healing nicely. I'm not having much weeping, which means my skin is happier down there. I'm also walking better. The back pain I had after surgery has gone away. I can tolerate sitting for short periods of time. I've cut the Percocet down by half to two pills a day.
The place where they took the skin tag doesn't seem to be healing at all. Not to get too graphic, but when its clean, it looks like a cross between a brain and a vagina. Its got tiny little labia and everything.
The very bad news is that the pain that I'm in is still horrific. I've been having two BMs a day and they feel like poring acid on an open wound. My stools are very soft, in fact, today they are a bit too soft. I overshot because I just decreased the Percocet. The pain is every bit as bad as I had at the worst of my fissure.
I tried to ride it out without percocet today, on the theory that I was making it worse because I was afraid. I was worried that I was using the percocet to mask my feelings and I that I needed to show myself that I could face them. So I listened to guided meditation tapes (very nice, BTW. I'll post a link later.) And I tucked myself into bed with my journal. I thought, hey, I've done this sans drugs before the surgery. Why not now?
Wow. That was a messed up thing to do. Yes. I can handle the pain, but since i was laying here "feeling the pain" the spasms started again. The pain just got deeper and deeper and I realized that my whole pelvic floor was seizing up. I was crying from frustration. I'm so angry at the doctor, I don't want to call him. I'm just going to sound like a crazy person if I start telling him what's going on with me. I don't want anymore torture from him and everything western doctors do just ends up hurting more. My prescription is almost out and I'm afraid that the doctor will want to stick his finger into my open gapping wound of an ass before letting me have a refill. I don't really want more percocet. I want to feel better.
I need to take the percocet before the real pain starts. Its easier to stop pain from starting than it is to arrest a pain process that has already started.
I'm gonna be brutally honest here, since I suspect that someone reading this might need to hear that they aren't the only one. I'm feeling a bit suicidal. No. I'm not going to do anything. Don't go hunting me down to rescue me. I'm just really struggling with hopelessness and despair.
I think the more real danger is that I might binge eat because I just don't give a damn anymore, and that's really destructive for me. Binge eating is how I developed the fissure in the first place. I really don't care about my own safety right now, and that's not a good place to be.
I took the damn percocet an hour ago and I'm feeling better. I hate that the stuff elevates my mood, but it does. I don't know if its directly a feeling of being high, or if I'm just in a better mood when I don't have horrific pain.
I'm wondering if this is some kind of wounded healer initiation. Like maybe I need to travel to mongolia to meet my new destiny. hehe. I've been watching too many movies.

Coconut life, is never easy, I have learn the hard way in my 52 years that things are not always the way we want, but hey most of the time miracles do happen.
The burning you are having is the stools passing while the surgery area is raw and irritated.
You are still healing so I don't know if you are allowed to use anything else to ease the burning and the cream for the spams.
Have you try that?, I have read many threads and post of after surgery experiences here, some people have very easy and nice almost painless recoveries, some do not experiese a sence of normalcy immediately some takes months and all that is normal.
The cases vary depending on the way the surgeries are done and how deep or bad the fissure was.
Do not lose hope, if you need help to cope with your mental well being talk to your doctor, sometimes we need some extra help, even me at some time in my life had the need for medical help, even when I rather prefer natural ways of doing things.
Do not deprive yourself of some extra help.
My best wishes are with you and your well being.

Coconut,
I'm so sorry you haven't had an easing off of the pain yet. These are the days that are so long and so drawn out that exhaustion also sets in from constantly having to walk through it every day. Having had several painful surgeries myself, I know how long those days feel and how desperate and hopeless they can seem.
As long as you can take them, keep with the regular dosing schedule of Percocet, and do not hesitate to get refills from the doctor. There is absolutely no reason you should run into resistance from them on refills. I do wish you would call the doctor's office though to let them know how much pain you're still in to get your surgeon's input.
Mentally, I can only suggest that you open up and delve into the self harm thoughts more. There are more ways of being suicidal than just the literal ending of a life. Binge eating for some...other forms for others. Maybe this is your body's way of asking you to look deeper into the roots of you and what's really down in there.
I agree with Marg6043 to not deprive yourself of extra help. Depriving yourself of your painkillers, your doctor's advice, etc. Do you have a friend who could go with you to the doctor who can be a strong advocate for you while you are feeling so vulnerable?