Two days later update: havent seen blood again. Probably was something I eat or some hemmies that i am not aware of. I still dont have any fissure pain. Gonna check with the doc in a month. I still dont understand why the hell i had a sudden recovery while traveling...

Back at home and back to pain.
I came back from my trip yesterday and I felt the stinging while bms. Not as bad as I used to but made me feel awareness the entire day. I used nitro and then took valium and a painkiller just to be safe while on the plain. No difference, still felt the awareness but it wasnt painful.
I dont know if i should use the nitro or not. I used it some days in the morning but not everyday.
Today I went without pain but I'm already feeling the swelling and praying to not develop spasms. I often know 15' after and it seems to be just the awareness again. It's not pain, it is like... you have something there, swollen.
Yesterday i felt a little itching at night. I still dont have blood or anything.

What I really hate about all of this is the unpredictable nature of the spasms. Why did they stop and why they came back?
I was so sure of lis, had my mind completly focused and convinced to do it and now im in doubt just because i had this last 20 pain free days on which i did absolutely no diet or anything. I ate cheese, meat, everything i havent touched for the last 5 months. I had alcohol, caffeine, i didnt care. Just took my 3/4 miralax and water and everything was ok.

I believe this week is hard because im waiting for my period and it is taking longer than normal to appear. I just dont know anymore.
Anyway, I would really like to relax and let it be, but i cant. I was so happy and scared. Feeling normal again was a blessing. And now im so anxious and waiting to pain. I cried from frustration. I repeat myself that i might be healing, that recovery is not linear, but i cant help to feel unstable and sad.
This situation is really depressing.
I'll keep you updated after my crs appointment on january.

I hope that you all have a pain free christmas and enjoy it. Thanks again for your support. This forum has been really important for me.

Ok well things changed AGAIN.
I experienced the regular pain I used to (and i was going twice in the mornings) until new year.
Then again, sudden recovery. No more pain.
I still don't have any pain. It is gone.
I don't want to get too excited by this because now i can see clearly that what happened is a retear that healed again within a week. Probably the tissue finally formed.
I am not using anything else than miralax. I need to get an appointment with my crs. I want to hear his opinion.
I hope you are doing okay

Hi there again.
Well, last saturday, after 20 days pain free the pain came back. I have to confess the pain is quite lower than before, this time i had a dry bm and it seemed to tore the fissure a bit. I haven't had any blood though.

I manage pain with a little of clonazepam (my anxiety spikes like hell), ibuprofen and nitro just after the bm in the morning. Some days I apply heat but it has been very tropical around here so humidity and high temperatures are not helping at all.

I don't know if this is normal, it's like a rollercoaster. I think that, perhaps, the wound is more superficial than before and that the muscule tissue probably healed but not the skin and it keeps tearing when something is not softer enough.
I'm aware that lack of fruit or excess of fibre are really bad for me. I can't eat certain things, because even with miralax the thing is hard. But it doesn't happen often, just once a month or two. But I have to be very careful.

I will see my crs tomorrow, I'll bring an update after that. The guy still resist to surgery and probably will tell me to try nitro again a couple of weeks to manage this. I feel lucky that nitro has helped me so much without the violent migraines some people have.

I'm sorry if this is too redundant but I think it might help someone. If you had a chronic fissure and recovered without lis please answer this thread with your experience.

Update!
I saw my crs yesterday and he said that the scar tissue finally is there. He touched the fissure (and it didnt hurt wow) and told me that i have to be very careful with it because it was really thin.
Also told me that my whole rollercoaster was totally normal. Healing goes that way.
I asked him about surgery and he told me that not for now. Something that might be useful to you: he explained to me (and i've read this a number of times) that it is better to not touch the piles to prevent the fissure to get angry and reopen.
I think this doc is super honest so i feel really calm with his opinions.
He suggested me to go to a gastroenterologist to help me with my constipation and quitting the miralax. So that will be my next step.
Oh and he told me not to use nitro unless i have a crisis. And that if i do, i have to see him again but until then, just sitz baths and ibuprofen if i need to. And patience.

I have to say i havent got more than a scratchy feeling or slight pain lately. Very slight, just lasts a few hours and if i take ibuprofen goes away inmediatly.

So well, i won the battle for now... knowing you never win a chronic fissure lol. But it's a lesson to take care really good of myself.

If i have pain or news i will let you know but probably my 2 choices are nitro tratment again or lis.

I think what happened to me last year was a terrible and deep trauma to my ass because i didnt pay any attention to my body for years. This could have been prevented. Please please go to a doctor if you bleed, i cant say this enough. I have to live with this now, but i could have fix it a long time before it scales.
Take care.

Hi there.
I've seen the gastro last week. He told me that it's kind of impossible to control how many times i go to the bathroom or how the bms will go.
He told me that there's nothing to do to accelerate healing. I asked him about miralax and told me that it was the best i could use. He told me not to use fiber supplements or other laxatives.
Miralax doesn't absorb so it's really safe long term. That was my main concern.

About my current situation: i experience a 2 or 3/10 pain daily. Sometimes the pain is 1. I feel it every day. The problem still happens when i have 2 bms. I dont know how to stop that.
If i manage to have 1 the burning goes away. When i have 2, the burning lasts for hours until i take ibuprofen.
No doctor seems to help with that. They told me to wait because the fissure was quite deep and got to the muscule so it is taking a long time to heal.
I havent experienced the lack of pain i had on december/january again. I dont know why that happened.
My patience is going down. I think i will wait for a couple of months and go to another crs for an opinion.

Hi! Still here LOL.
Well, after a month without nitro I started again last tuesday because last 2 weeks I felt lots of burning and that was a really bad sign that spiked my anxiety. That was an alarm for me.
I have to wait until April for another crs to check this out. I really need a second opinion.
When I am in pain now, my mood goes to the floor. I have to take clonazepam to bear with it. It's not near as bad as when I started, just a 3/10 but with lots of burning.
Nitro helps me so much. It reduces the pain to 0/1 always. I dont have to take ibuprofen when i use it. It removes that pain from scratch.
It changed my mood in just one day. I felt so grateful. It is so sad to feel so hopeless when in pain.
I hope to survive this rollercoaster again. Thankfully, the headaches are quite soft and fade away quickly. I feel blessed.
I'm considering LIS again, but I just really need another eye on my butt.

I also felt really stressed because I have other health issues going on. Nothing serious but I might have to have a small procedure to remove something from my uterus and have some skin conditions that drived me mad. I cant deal with anything lately.
Every doctor tells me how bad stess and anxiety and that makes me feel awful. It makes me feel like everything is my fault, but I can't switch off my brain. I hope I could.

Anyway, I hope you are doing better. I'll post news asap.

Hi worstyear how are you now? Any update? I'm doing ok considering lis more then ever since i just finished a week long cleanse an still had a flear up so from that I've learnt it doesn't have anything to do with food or water intake because i was only eating 1 things very ripe bananas i did a mono cleanse and i drank 3 ltrs of water each day so food an water isn't the problem. I was feeling anxious so i blame anxiety and or a muscle thats just too tight

Also I'm completely vegan now except some fresh fish twice a wk and id love to know yoyr oat flour pie pastry recipe would love to make a veg pie. I'm just trying to learn heaps of vegan an gluten free recipes

Hi missy and everyone.
I had the new crs appointment. I'll have lis.
Both doctors told me the same, they have this protocol here. They try to get a non surgery approach for 2 months. If things wont heal, they consider it chronic and they go to surgery.
I'm stuck and tired. I tried everything. I dont have any constipation issues with miralax but i cant control how much i go or how soft. I often go just once a day luckily.
Too much fiber sucks, I confim. Also I have lack of b12 because of my veggie diet so im taking supplements. Be careful with that and try to check it out. I started to eat meat, everything. Nothing got worst or better. My main problem is lack of water because I'm like a camel.
I've reduced hardness by taking soup as a meal. Any kind of homemade soup is fine.

So, im having my blood tests and stuff and going back to the crs on may. I think lis will happen on june/july. I liked both docs (i am very lucky, great people) but i will choose this one because the clinic is better and i have full free coverage of everything there.

Btw, and this might be interesting for you: he told me that surgery grants an 80% of success and that incontinence is really really rare. Also, that post-op is awful (but we already know that). I think I have no other choice since my life has been hell for the last 9 months. A fissure pregnancy lol.