Very depressed. Please help me

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Very depressed. Please help me

Postby Mandah2386 » 25 Feb 2018, 13:55

I've been suffering for over a month now. I've been using nifedipine for 5 days 2 times a day. I take at least 1 sitz bath a day and am careful of everything I eat now. I've been using a stool softener but bought some Miralax today since that's what most people here use.
I have read so many posts, I will stay up all night reading the threads and it just makes me so depressed. All of you have been dealing with these things for so long. I can't imagine. Who would have ever thought 1 hard poop would land me here, so depressed, consumed all day with my butt. I use to be so active and now I'm scared to do anything besides walk.
I go back to Dr at the beginning of March. I'm so scared I won't be healed enough and he will send me to a crs. I can't even begin to think of about another exam. I have hpv, i know that ups my risk of anal cancer. Even though I'm aware of what lead to my fissure, it's still in the back of my mind. What if it's more? I'm a bit of a hypochondriac.
I can't take this pain much longer and after reading the threads it seems I'm alot better off than most. I don't get the spasms. Just the painful bm and it is sore for a few hrs later. I don't see how anyone could tolerate more especially for months or yrs.
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Re: Very depressed. Please help me

Postby Mypoorbutt » 25 Feb 2018, 15:37

Having a fissure can be one of the hardest things to deal with both physically and emotionally. It’s certainly the worst experience of my life. But if you know what caused your fissure and your BMs are under control then after 5 months you could just go for LIS which is a pretty much instant cure for everyone who doesn’t have underlying issues. Obviously there is swelling and recovery but some of our members such as IT were great after a couple of days
If your doctor was worried about anything else other than a fissure then he would have sent you for more in depth tests.
If your worried about an internal exam explain that to the surgeon and I’m sure they will be gentle or maybe just have a look without doing an internal exam.
Unfortunately the worst thing you can do with a fissure is let it get you more frustrated or upset as this will make the body release cortisol which tightens muscles like the internal sphincter which will in turn make it harder to heal.
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Re: Very depressed. Please help me

Postby HopefulRebecca » 25 Feb 2018, 16:04

Hi Mandah2386 - I understand your pain, as I fell into a deep depression the first time I had a CAF. I am on my 2nd now, and it is possible to find the light. Also I really urge you to find ways to find the positive energy in your life because that will help your healing process. The more negativity you hold inside, the worse the condition gets. If you wake up every morning and tell yourself, "We can deal with this" (we being your mind and body), you will power through. Never give up, you WILL heal even if it happens again, now you know what you need to do to get better. This forum is a wonderful place to find the positivity, but definitely stay away from the posts that are depressing, as they will only keep you away from the light. All the best to you in your healing journey.
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Re: Very depressed. Please help me

Postby Reliefatlast? » 26 Feb 2018, 06:22

Hi Mandah2386 I felt exactly as you do in the beginning. I was terrified that something really serious was going on. I waited 5 weeks to see my GP as I was terrified about what she would find!! It totally took over my life but over the past 14 months I've learned to live with it and have also learned what to do to ease symptoms. Also once I was referred to a CRS the procedures I've had Have really reduced the intensity of the symptoms. I waited 6 months before I got referred but I wish I had seem him way sooner. Both times I had botox i had an examination at the same time under GA so I knew nothing about it!! Good luck with your visit to the Dr next month. Hopefully you won't need to see a CRS but if you do they will be able to offer you procedures that should at the very least reduce your pain and discomfort.
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Re: Very depressed. Please help me

Postby Mandah2386 » 26 Feb 2018, 09:30

Reliefatlast....your post makes me sad. I know you weren't meaning it to, but even after 2 botox and you still aren't healed, but just found it as a way to ease some of pain. That's depressing. 14 months or more of you dealing with this and you still have to deal with it. That's depressing. I don't want this to be my life. I can't work out hard, it feels uncomfortable to run, which use to be my way of stress relief, I'm scared to perform squats because I'm scared I am going to tear. This really stinks.
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Re: Very depressed. Please help me

Postby Mypoorbutt » 26 Feb 2018, 10:50

Mandah, your still in the early days of a fissure and could easily get it to heal with the cream and sitz baths. Lots of people have fissures but very few go on to become chronic and need Botox or LIS. Since having a fissure I have found that 4 of my friends have had them but theirs all healed within 8 weeks.
Are you having spasms because if your not then your chances of healing without more intervention are extremely high.
Like hopeful says the more stressed you get the worse you will feel.
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Re: Very depressed. Please help me

Postby Mandah2386 » 26 Feb 2018, 11:01

Mypoorbutt, I'm sorry. I just hate this. It's so painful. I honestly don't know if I'm having spasms or not. I don't think so. My butt stays sore for hours after a bm, but it's more of a bruised heavy feeling than a spasm. Like someone kicked my in my butt with a pointy toe shoe haha. Is that a spasm? I don't feel any contraction like I would figure someone would have with a spasm.
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Re: Very depressed. Please help me

Postby Mypoorbutt » 26 Feb 2018, 11:20

Please don’t apologise it’s an awful thing to go through, unfortunately the way our bodies work mean that the hormone we release when stressed angry or upset actually tightens the internal sphincter when we need it to relax.
Small spasms will feel like an aching or burning or both. The more extreme spasms are basically like contractions in your sphincter...in fact they are worse than labour contractions because of all the nerves in that area.
You could try having more baths as this both relaxes the internal sphincter and promotes blood flow to the area which aides healing.
You have been diagnosed quickly and given the right cream so the odds are stacked in your favour of a good recovery without any extra intervention
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Re: Very depressed. Please help me

Postby Reliefatlast? » 26 Feb 2018, 14:57

Mandah2386 wrote:Reliefatlast....your post makes me sad. I know you weren't meaning it to, but even after 2 botox and you still aren't healed, but just found it as a way to ease some of pain. That's depressing. 14 months or more of you dealing with this and you still have to deal with it. That's depressing. I don't want this to be my life. I can't work out hard, it feels uncomfortable to run, which use to be my way of stress relief, I'm scared to perform squats because I'm scared I am going to tear. This really stinks.

Aw I'm sorry. I was just trying to say that even though the botox wasn't totally successful I feel that it did help to ease my symptoms. Also my surgeon told me that he hardly ever does LIS anymore as botox is so successful in his experience. Also when I first got the fissure I was in a terrible way with the pain and stress of it but as time went on I learned to live with it. I also learned what ointments and sprays eased symptoms and how much movicol to use to make things as easy as possible. Hopefully that won't be your experience at all.
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Re: Very depressed. Please help me

Postby Marko » 17 Mar 2018, 12:02

What Type of HPV do you have? I have fissure 5 Years..do you jave genital warts? Be brave and positive..i have fissure every 2 months and always i think that i have anal cancer, now i have itching in my anus..
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