Hi all,
I know I keep on posting in several areas but this thing keeps on changing! I have finally decided to take some time off of work to give this more time to heal. I'm grateful that I can do this but sad that it had come to this. I just want to be normal and feel like I am too young (38) for all these problems. And I have a small child to keep up with.
Basically now it hurts, kind of pinches in one are in particular, when I have a bm. This is not the same as the fissure pain at all. It feels like there is something in there, at the 9:00 position, but my fissure was at 6:00. Then I have burning on and off all day. The pain can hit a level 4/5, which after going through fissure hell is really nothing, but I wouldn't want to live like this forever! I just saw my CRS Monday and she had a look, the exam didn't hurt at all and she said that the fissure is healed. She said that it all looked good but one of my internal hemorrhoids looked aggravated. She suggested that I continue with calmol 4 suppositories (which are every soothing and I like using) and valium suppositories, ibuprofen. She mentioned levator ani and nerve pain. This concurs with what my physical therapist says, that when nerves are damaged there can be burning. Although my therapist is encouraging and has said that she has helped others with this get better, I'm still feeling bummed.....I can't help feeling how unlucky it was for the damn fissure to get infected which caused an abscess and then a fistula. Even though the fistula surgery was "simple" I think that having even that small part of the fissure reopened so it could heal properly, has created a domino effect. I had botox in July and that did heal the fissure. So it's annoying that this happened.....
Anyway, thanks for reading this and I know I should just stop complaining.....I know that many people deal with this and worse. I'm just feeling defeated today. Again, glad I can take some time off of work but I will have to go back. One fear is that I will go back in 6 weeks and be in the same place as I am now. And I'm even more down because I want to have another baby and am very aware that I can not even think of doing that until I have a few pain free months.
Rant over. Thanks for all your posts. I don't always respond because I have no suggestions but I read many of them and find them very helpful.
Wishing everyone a good, pain free day!