Okay as I've said before inother topics, I've had hypochondriasis/ health anxiety ever since my mom died from cancer. I've also suspected I've had an anal fissure or hemorrhoids for awhile, and finally went to a CRS today. But while the nurse was taking my vitals, I began to have a full-on panic attack. I kept blinking back tears and when she asked if I was alright I began to cry and then could not stop for at least half an hour. The doctor was very kind and told me that we could reschedule for next week if that would make me more comfortable. So I did. I told them that I had health anxiety for awhile but nothing quite like this had ever happened. It might have had to do with the fact that I had passed the division for pancreatic disorders and it brought back bad memories of my mom's illness. And not to mention, going to a doctor to get a rectal exam is very stressful in the first place. But I feel a little humiliated. I had two nurses, a medical assistant, a physician's assistant, and the doctor all trying to calm me down but once I start crying I can't stop. Plus, sometimes when people are kind to me it makes me cry even more! I don't want to repeat these events next week. I have decided it's time to seek professionsl help for my anxiety, like therapy and maybe even medication, but I doubt I'll get anything in time for next week.
Btw, as I was leaving I walked past the original medical assistant with two other random ones and I overheard one going "Is that her??" Like she didn't even lower her voice. Did she think I was some kind of crazy person who wouldn't hear her? And was the whole office talking about me? I suppose if I was having a boring work day and something unusual happened I would have been interested too. But she didn't even try to be discreet about it or wait til I'd walked by. Ugh..