As it goes...

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Re: As it goes...

Postby hopefull » 21 Jul 2015, 18:06

Feeling very down today, was a painful and bloody BM and I feel like I am back to where I was three months ago. Stupid fissure. I think I have more setbacks than set forwards, I want to eat and I want to have energy and I want to live as I was. Going to start trying movical tonight instead of lactulose. My stools are soft but still not super soft at tip unless I am eating heaps of prunes and then I have annoying urgency. I thought about increasing the Mg but turns out I am actually using magnesium oxide free formula, I didn't see the 'free formula' bit on the bottle so thought I was taking magnesium oxide. And taking 500 mg elemental each day.

I cried too which I haven't done in ages, trying to stay strong and not let it get the better of me, I have a history of depression so I am impressed with my resilience so far. Cuddles from my boy help a lot. Still working on getting Diltiazem.
AF since Jan '15 postpartum
Taking: Lax-sachets, flaxseed oil, Mg
Topical: Diltiazem, Sudocrem
Circulation: Warm wheat bag, relax, short walks
Tried: Rectogesic, slippery elm, Lactulose
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Re: As it goes...

Postby Canadabum » 22 Jul 2015, 15:44

Feeling down is part and parcel of this whole crappy experience (pun intended!). I can't tell you how many times I have been brought to tears over this predicament...it is a daily grind that can wear anyone down from time to time...so know that what you are feeling is completely normal and to be expected...it means you are human!!

Getting that soft tip is so important...my regimen that works for me is magnesium citrate, probiotic foods and lots of water...to top it off, potty positioning is extremely helpful and may help with a slightly hard tip. I use step stools so that my knees are in a raised position (stools are about 4-5 inches tall...taller might be better) and I lean forward...I find that in that position the stool has an easier time sliding out and the tip spends less time banging in to the walls of the anus...give it a try and see if it works. There is a product called the Squatty Potty that addresses this issue...you may want to check it out.

I really feel for you...I know the feeling of just wanting one's life back...i have certainly thought about that many times over the past 9 months....all i can say is my first 6 months were horrid....the last three have been so so so much better...while i am not done with this i am in a place where i can see some light at the end of this and am able to deal well....you too will get there...just take it a day at a time and one foot in front of the next...you will get there.

All best,
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Re: As it goes...

Postby hopefull » 22 Jul 2015, 18:13

Thanks so much for your kind words, its really appreciated. I'm happy for you being able to see the light at the end, that's great. I eat probiotic yoghurt, might see what other foods I can introduce that are probiotic.
Resting today as I think I have mastitis, my body is probably telling me something after the big trip away plus I have started weaning.
I squat on the toilet but will check that I lean forward, not sure that I do.
All I want is to not see blood anymore, its so upsetting.
AF since Jan '15 postpartum
Taking: Lax-sachets, flaxseed oil, Mg
Topical: Diltiazem, Sudocrem
Circulation: Warm wheat bag, relax, short walks
Tried: Rectogesic, slippery elm, Lactulose
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Re: As it goes...

Postby hopefull » 06 Aug 2015, 22:27

So it's been a wee while since I posted. I made the switch to Movicol/Lax-sachets from Lactulose and OMG I wish I had switched ages ago! Soft every time and I have had no blood for 7 days now :sunny: . Still a bit of pain here and there but very minimal. I don't want to get too excited but so far its going good. I have also been feeding solids before breastfeeding three times a day and have pretty much stopped the night breastfeed. Slowly weaning but if I am still blood free by the end of the month then I'm going to continue to breastfeed.
I'm taking a double dose of the Lax-sachets, a sachet in the morning and then one at night and still taking Magnesium so my stools are very soft and loose but I'm not going to worry about it as long as I'm on the road to blood and pain free then they can stay like that for now.
I've also been able to eat a little more protein each day but I try to have a liquid meal every day, so either soup or a smoothie.
AF since Jan '15 postpartum
Taking: Lax-sachets, flaxseed oil, Mg
Topical: Diltiazem, Sudocrem
Circulation: Warm wheat bag, relax, short walks
Tried: Rectogesic, slippery elm, Lactulose
hopefull
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Re: As it goes...

Postby Canadabum » 06 Aug 2015, 23:09

Hopeful - yayyyyyyy!!!!! I can't tell you how happy I am for you. Getting slightly beyond the severe pain is so great... I hope you are seeing the real possibility that you will eventually be done with this. I for one never wanted to get ahead of myself and jinx the healing process... But hey, some celebration is in order!! Maybe put some Nutella in your smoothie tomorrow!!
My nephew also just started solids (I have three older kids so know what you are going through) and I know that his mom is getting about an extra hour or so of sleep at night as a result. Who knows...perhaps some extra sleep will also hp you heal.
Wishing you all the best,
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Re: As it goes...

Postby hopefull » 09 Aug 2015, 16:57

Thanks Canadabum, unfortunately I've had a setback, so sad. I had 8 days of blood free and pain was reducing. I then got stressed over a conversation I had with the 'mother in law' who was visiting and mulled and got uptight about it which resulted in more pain with a BM and then tearing with the following BM. It happened a month ago with the last run of being blood free for 4 days when I got stressed about my own mother and had uptight thoughts in the night. I'm determined not to have visitors or go anywhere for 2 months, just be boring and eat soup and drink smoothies.
:cry:
AF since Jan '15 postpartum
Taking: Lax-sachets, flaxseed oil, Mg
Topical: Diltiazem, Sudocrem
Circulation: Warm wheat bag, relax, short walks
Tried: Rectogesic, slippery elm, Lactulose
hopefull
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Re: As it goes...

Postby Canadabum » 09 Aug 2015, 19:39

I am really sorry to hear that you've had a set back...I can relate 100%. It can be both physically and emotionally draining. Are you still using the Movicol...and making sure you are drinking enough water?
The silver lining here for you is that you have been able to identify a trigger - stress. It is easy to say - just dont get stressed...but not always realistic given our lives. That said, you can now try and be more aware of potential stressful situations and do your best to not let them get the better of you. Have you looked into mindfulness techniques for dealing with stress and pain...they may be helpful. In my acute pain days I read a book titled "you are not your pain"...the techniques discussed in the book are applicable to both pain and stress management.
I am wishing you all the best as you travel down this bumpy and painful road...wishing you more better days ahead.
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Re: As it goes...

Postby felix » 11 Aug 2015, 03:02

Hi hopeful, how's it going? I hope things have got a little better and you are managing to keep your stress levels down. Lots of positive thoughts
Suzanne
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Re: As it goes...

Postby hopefull » 11 Aug 2015, 03:14

Hi, I'm actually quite down after 8 days of it looking like I was finally improving and now I'm back to pain. I'm taking movicol morning and night and my stools are very very soft but it still bleeds. It hurts very high inside and at the skin tag which seems to swell up now and then. Trying to work out what the base of the diltiazem ointment is that people use so I can ask a doctor to prescribe it, I've found a pharmacy who will compound it, just need to know the prescription. Not sure if I can use it while still breastfeeding.

I'm pretty low, 7 months of this now, sick of soup every night.

Thanks Felix and Canadabum for your concern it means a lot to me.
AF since Jan '15 postpartum
Taking: Lax-sachets, flaxseed oil, Mg
Topical: Diltiazem, Sudocrem
Circulation: Warm wheat bag, relax, short walks
Tried: Rectogesic, slippery elm, Lactulose
hopefull
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Re: As it goes...

Postby felix » 11 Aug 2015, 04:12

Oh poor you, I know that feeling well but by your stage was mostly a lot better so can only imagine how you are feeling. One thing I will say Is the diltiazem honestly did make a big difference and although I was told not to breastfeed by doctor, everything online suggested it was safe but I was only feeding 2x a day at that stage.
I don't know what could help, have you seen a specialist? It sounds like you may need more input as 7 months is a long time to deal with this but equally others have healed after longer....
Feel free to pm me if you need some support, I know all too well how rubbish it is dealing with an af and kids/in laws!
Keep us posted and chin up, this too shall pass x
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