Lee,

Unfortunately It's hard for me to stay positive... I am a negative person so I tend to focus on just that! I have hot burning.. Pain when I sit for longer than 30 minutes.., I just came home cried for an hour and my 5 year old son was consoling me... He says mom everything is going to be okay, i am broken and have lost the will to live... I should be there for my kids and be an active parent and I'm not, I'm just a burden! I ask god, why I am here suffering?

Alyssa,

Look, you can be either way -- positive, negative, fluctuate, whatever, but don't lose the will to live. You can't do that. It's just not an option.

I'll be honest here. Not so long ago, I would be away on business and in Iowa. I had a 45 minute drive to work in a very rural stretch and for much of that drive, I would be in level 8-9 pain and my frame of mind was pretty bad. We have a hand gun at home (not a gun activist, just a realist because of our 'leaning' neighborhood) and it occurred to me that I had a solution. Not good because it's not a solution, but the pain can be bad enough where it sucks the life from you, I know.

I'm better now, not healed, but better. Maybe I'll never heal, but it's getting manageable. I had to go to the doctor today and I have a sinus infection, which means antibiotics and that means changing the game. Great. I'll be out of town from Thursday until late Tuesday night and now antibiotics. Perfect.

Something is out there that can help you, I know it. What about the Turmeric -- have you tried that? It is a powerful antioxidant and it's really impressive as far as I can tell.

Don't quit now, there is something that can help whether it's Turmeric, heating pad, standing more (yes, even at work), using Nifedipine every other hour, Lidocaine, something. And don't laugh - medical marijuana. It won't make you high -- Google it and check it out. There is an answer and you just haven't found it yet.

You will make it through this, I know it. I'll pick up the prayers on my end, you keep trying and searching on yours. You will be a success story.

Gosh, I agree with you Lee,

The pain can be horrendous and debilitating and sometimes it feels insurmountable and discouraging, BUT Alyssa, please try to focus on positive things each day. Your little boy sounds like such a sweet little guy with such a good heart and such empathy. You must be a wonderful mom to be raising such an angel.

We can't control everything in our lives, but we can do whatever we can and make whatever efforts we can to affect things in a positive way. I suffer from depression, particularly due to PMS and I understand how you are feeling. But you need to be strong now and keep trying one day at a time or if necessary, one hour or one minute at a time!

You are not alone.

Alyssa and Pained:

What's happening with the both of you? I haven't heard anything and I would like to know how you both are doing.

Lee

Lee,

I'm taking it day by day... Less pain day for me today:( but Its hard to enjoy the day because I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I had a pressure test scheduled last week but it had to be rescheduled!!! Was totally frustrated because I want some insight as to why I continue to have pain with bm and burning pain afterwards; it was rescheduled for next month (December 4) but still set to get Botox December 8. Pelvic pain is so frustrating! Pelvic floor dysfunction kiss my a..!!!

My son is no angel (he's a handful) but can also Very loving..

Lee,

I also have a gun in the home but its my husband's (he's in law enforcement) and it is locked up in a safe.. Have those awful thoughts too but I think about the pain I will cause my family.. My children are young (5/ 10 months) and I want to be here for them but not with this pain!!!

I don't think my husband likes the idea of me smoking weed...

Maybe try Valium, Alyssa? Others here have tried it and been helped by it.
Your children and your husband need you - you are more important to them than you can know.
I once thought about ending it because of the pain. The thoughts were very very brief, but yes, I've been in that dark place. It may be time to talk to a doctor about the effect constant pain is having on your frame of mind.

I've asked my doctor for meds but she was afraid of the constipating effects... I guess I did not push that much because I'm exhausted...

sorry to be incommunicado guys,

Alyssa, I hope you're hanging in there. We all understand how you're feeling, but remember - feelings change. Your condition will eventually improve and there is hope! Just don't give up.

I'm doing ok. I still have daily pain. I've been using Dr. Butler's Fissure and Hemorrhoid cream to help manage my pain. It's helping slightly.

I have a doctor appt with a colorectal surgeon next week. My first such appt. I am dreading the exam, but I'm hoping that maybe just maybe one of the treatments will help me. Hopefully one of the ointments, as I'd of course like to avoid surgery.

I also have a torn rotator cuff in my shoulder, eczema rashes and tendonitis in my index finger. It's been a rough year, but I'm hoping to get my physical self back into shape and pain free. That's my goal for 2015!

Lee, how are you doing?

2014 should have been a great year for me (i had my daughter) but unfortunately this butt pain overshadowed that!!!