Hello all. I guess I'm not so new to the board anymore so I thought I would start this new thread to reflect where I am at. In 38 hours I am having LIS, fissurectomy and hemmiectomy done by my CRS. I hope that someday this thread will be a success story that others can read and find hope and confidence that they to can over come this hellish affliction.
The decision to have surgery was difficult and frought with so many emotions. I only wish I could skip ahead and write a happy ending now without having to walk the walk. It is the knowledge that I am not alone that has been most significant in coping with the daily pain and emotions that consume your life when you are suffering.
I will do my best to provide useful insight so others can benefit. I know that without being able to read about others that this would have been much more difficult to deal with. Not to mention the great advice, support and useful information contained in the many threads on this forum. Thank you everyone.
It is my hope and belief that one day soon I will be able to give the eulogy for my fissure "Witme" and resume my normal life as "wiseass"
Here is my story....
P.S. No skipping ahead to see how it turns out!

When I am facing something challenging I put on Tom Petty's "Won't Back Down" song. It is kind of might theme song. I am glad that you are finding the strength you need to get through this and that you are wanting to share with others along the way.

Lecia and BA,
I think the prob we have is this. No one (not even docs) has a perfect BM every single day. Our challenge is that we are already defective in the butt area. What a challenge for us to try to live day to day, be in a good mood, enjoy life, and be a good mate when we know that the sky could drop down for us at any given moment. Just a little trouble--be it too loose or slightly constipated--and we are depressed and willing to throw in the towel be that to have a colostomy, wish we were diagnosed with a terminal disease, or whatever. But yet we have to go on because we have parents, spouses (sometimes), and children that are depending (and wishing) for us to be around for awhile. But we want our prob to just go away. We don't care if that means getting our colon taken out, having Botox (which is still somewhat experimental), LIS surgery, or whatever. All we want is an end to our suffering, and we want to live a normal life and do what we want to do or go where we want to go, but some of us cannot do that now, and so we get depressed and discouraged, myself included. We worry that we will always be in a defective state. But we cannot worry because then our conditions worsen, so we are between a rock and a hard place with no end in sight, and then we get more depressed!! My big prob now is regulating my Miralax and deciding if and when to have the Botox which would necessitate me having to have the scope prior. I don't want to make things worse by having the scope if not needed.
I also think we are all good and caring persons. We didn't do anything to deserve having thiese fissures! We tried to do our best. If we had constipation like I do/did, we tried our best to get good medical advice and follow it to a tee. So, it truly sucks, but yet we all feel that we need to persevere and hope that our conditions improve by trying whatever treatment we deem is best for it. And then of course throw in the multiple opinions that we get from various docs, but yet we as lay people are supposed to be wise and smart enough to figure out what is best to do for our bodies even when the docs (who are supposedly smarter than us) don't even agree on a standard treatment protocol for AF's!! Just some thoughts from me today.
All the best,
C
P.S. Ba--I will pray for you tomorrow and try to send you healing vibs. My friend who had the gamma knife the same day of Ted Kennedy's brain surgery said that she could feel the prayers being said for her. Lecia--I will pray for you also because you are going through a rough time as well.

That was a great summary, Cheryl. That is exactly how I feel. I am either in the midst of a butt crisis or waiting for the sky to fall and another one to begin. The hardest part is to get someone to recognize how much of an impact this has on our lives because it isn't terminal or deemed "serious".

Thank you for your prayers. It is nice to know that someone can pray for me when I cannot do it myself anymore.

Lecia,
I am trying to hold onto what I read this morning during my devotional time--"A Christian rises against the winds of adversity." I think we all understand how this condition impacts our lives--concerts missed, trips cancelled (mine to Australia), etc. It is not terminal, but that does not mean it is no less of a prob with its own suffering--often mentally just as much as physically. I'll keep you in my prayers.
C

T minus 16 hours. Thanks Cheryl for taking the time to put into words the strife that this invisible (at least to others)menace brings on. I feel a strange calm; like I will finally be able to get on with healing and move forward. Could be I'm just feeling the Tom Petty groove (thanks Lecia) because "I wont back down". Adversity does not build character, it reveals it! With the grace of God this will finally be the beginning of the end of this misery. From all of this I will never take for granted again how lucky I am to have enjoyed so much for so long for my suffering is but a kiss compared to what others have and do endure.

BA,
Just remember that your belief in the process/procedures is VERY important. I remember right b/4 I had carpal tunnel surgery I told the pre-op nurse that I had the best doc in our area, and she told me then that I would do very well because I had a strong belief in the doc, and she was right!! You have a great attitude as you count down to your surgery. Kind of like my son as he is awaiting his laser vision correction time of later this week--he is looking forward to it (and not fearful). Be sure to give an update and know that many are praying for a successful outcome for you.
Cheryl

Cheryl -
That was very beautiful advise you gave Lecia and badass. It is very true and pretty much sums everything up. I go back and forth with my depressing moods with my condition. I am thankful that I have not been having pain lately, but I too live in fear of its return. Dano has always been a source of insipation for me because he was healed on the nitro (like I am trying too). I figured, if he healed, why can't I? This week, he wrote a post saying he was having strange feelings in the area after a year of being healed. I mean - does the madness ever end? If I heal, this thing can come back in 1, 2, 3 years!! It gets me so down at times. Thank you for being so positive!
Lecia & Badass - I am praying for the both of you!!!!!!!!!! :)
Jen

That was a sad but beautiful summary Cheryl.... :truebud:
Dear Badass, You are in my thoughts today, Goodluck and god bless...
And Lecia too

Three hours to go. Leaving in 30 mins. Thank you for your prayers, please, keep them coming... I will post when I am able God bless you all... D. a/k/a "Badass"