Depressed and despairing...

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Depressed and despairing...

Postby Cjs » 20 Aug 2015, 21:20

As i write this I am crying at 3 am as i am lost and confused in search of some ideas for help.
I have had a fissure now for almost two years originating from piles.
I have had: gtn cream. 1x botox. Used fybogel and laxido
My current regime is : water x 3 pints a day plus other on top. Home made smoothie for breakfast plus toast then weetabix for lunch followed by vegetarian dinner and smoothie an half a sachet of laxido. Applying anosol as unsure if i have piles too. Coconut oil before shower.
Before bm i apply sudocream for protection
I have gotten to the point of not knowing where to turn.
My last hospital app said my fissure is not bad enough for surgery and to spend 6months on health kick before another app.
I have lost so much weight being healthy. I have a two yr old who keeps me busy but this is effecting my entire life jncl what job i can do and my relationship.
I have recently been to the toilet without pain but it hurts two hrs later for the usual 6hour onslaught. Or today stool passed so slowly it now hurts to pass wind.
I cannot sit down for more than 5 minutes.
I think i can control the softbess of my stool but not the healing and elasticity of my cut.
For 3/4 months i was pain free on 2x laxido a day and gtn cream however as soon as i gradually came off symptoms returned.
Also worried now as i think i can feel small lumps and unsure of what they maybe. Have a skin tag too.
Please.... Help! Ideas and reassurance in the form of success stories?! I have gotten so depressed having dark thoughts.

Many thanjs
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Re: Depressed and despairing...

Postby hurtinend » 20 Aug 2015, 22:06

I'm so sorry I am with you, in a similar situation. I'm not sure a health kick is the answer, you are eating a lot of fiber.

I plan on reducing my fiber intake, while taking stool softeners to keep bm soft. When I got bad, I did a daily super green smoothie, that seemed to make things worse, just my experience.
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Re: Depressed and despairing...

Postby Canadabum » 20 Aug 2015, 23:07

Cjs - welcome to the forum. I see you joined today...as far as where to turn, you found an awesome place!! Very very sorry to hear about your despair and difficult experience. We can all relate and really feel for you...it truly is a debilitating condition that can take over both physically and mentally. That said, there are some strategies that might help alleviate some of the physical and some of the mental discomfort this pain in the arse condition provokes is all of us.
First the mental battle... Find the book "you are not your pain" and read it...let me know what you think. Second, tell yourself each day, multiple times a day that "I am healing, I am getting better, I am ok". Sounds weird...but it helped me. Come on this forum as much as you can and want and ask questions and vent! If you have a family member, friend or therapist you can speak with...do so asap!
As for the physical - congrats on being td the fissure is looking ok. Sounds like you are doing a good job managing the softness of your stool but you are having spasms afterwards. Also sounds like all was under control when you were on gtn and stool softener bit you stopped...so my first question/thought...why not go back on what was working for a while and see how that goes. Second...to control my spasms I found heat the best. I practically sat on a heating pad all day whether at work or home. I supplemented the heating pad with as many hot baths as I could through the day - specially applies heat after a bm.
As for the lumps...sounds like may be some small hemmies...no need to worry. Don't strain on the loo and try applying some hemmie cream at some point in the day perhaps.
Finally...I would also use cold if I felt swollen down there...found that very soothing and effective at reducing pain.
Please let us know how it is going...big hugs to you...I know what it is like to. E awake at 3am wondering why the heck this is happening to you. With some trial and error and advice from the grammar people here you will beat this in time.
All best,
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Re: Depressed and despairing...

Postby Canadabum » 20 Aug 2015, 23:10

My typos are ridiculous...grammar people lol. Meant to write great people. And not E awake...lie awake.
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Re: Depressed and despairing...

Postby Savaici » 21 Aug 2015, 13:12

Sorry you are in such pain, Cjs. I too tried everything except surgery. In the end (excuse the pun) the only thing that eventually broke the spasm-after-every-poop routine was self-dilation with pediatric dilators. Took time, and won't say I am not completely as I was before this wretched thing started, but am not in that constant spasm pain for hours on end. Regained weight too, though I still do not overdo food, drink water as I should, careful to have the right amount of fibre and take something to keep things flowing.

Get better soon.
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Re: Depressed and despairing...

Postby Cjs » 21 Aug 2015, 16:09

Thanks all. I have tried to buy that book but cannot (I'm in the UK) thinking of some hypnotherapy.
I am guessing though that I'm not having too much fibre as no diarrhoea and I drink lots.... Please let me know if you disagree. Also healthy ideas other than fibre rich meals?
Still feeling down but want to keep up new ideas.
I
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Re: Depressed and despairing...

Postby Cjs » 21 Aug 2015, 16:11

Also I do not know what the dilator is or does
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Re: Depressed and despairing...

Postby Canadabum » 21 Aug 2015, 16:55

Can you order on Amazon or eBay? I think the authors are from the UK originally and have an organization based there. Check it out on line.
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Re: Depressed and despairing...

Postby hurtinend » 21 Aug 2015, 18:15

Cannot paste the link here don't know why, book is available on:

Amazon.co.uk

Just do a search there
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Re: Depressed and despairing...

Postby Cjs » 23 Aug 2015, 02:00

Thanks i'll look into it.
Does anyone know reasons for during a BM, a stool comes out so slowly it seems to stop?
This is a set back i get from time to time and cant figure it out. Is it that area is not elasticated enough now?
Thanks
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