GG, please don't be swept away by such dangerous thoughts. Think of your future self and all the things you would want to do in the future. You have great things waiting for you, just need to get past this one roadblock. Take it from someone who endured major surgery as a teenager, plus years of chronic pain. Life is worth living for no matter how hard it may seem right now.

Right on Ladies!!!! We will overcome...GG better days ahead for sure..There is. Light at the end of the tunnel!

Thanks so so much for these messages - they e really given me some courage.

And the good news is I've been able to go! And also the bad news is I've been able to go...ouuuuuuchhh

I've had three medium sized solid bms and a bit of diarrhea. Tons of yummy upset and feeling pretty nauseous and yucky, but things are moving. Getting really really sore and trying not to take too much morphine - 5 mg since 4:00.

Going to set myself up on the couch with some tv and stay close to the bathroom for the night. Hopefully will be able to sleep a little bit I'm pretty uncomfortable and it makes me nervous to try and sleep with all this laxative in me itching to bust out.

Your advice was totally right - I think things will be brand new by this time tomorrow. Probably going to be painful and sore, BUT the good thing is I'm not getting the painful spasms anymore. I have sharp pain during a bm, stick my butt in the sitz bath, and it calms down in a few minutes. Before, I would be in agony for hours. The pain DURiNG a bm is worse now - but at least it is short lived.

Sorry for the rambling, I'm too tired to even be posting lol.

Thanks again all for the support, this is a super tough time and my emotions are so up and then down down down. You all level me out!

Fantastic!!!!!!
Thought of you today at 2:15 as I was waiting for my post-op. (45 minutes late). He rushed everything, when I started off by saying "you know a lump as developed post-op" he shushed me and said I really need to stop worrying. Then assume position on table, with me saying "can you see lump? (face down on table) ", pictures (Lord help me) and mumbling about surgical sites and how I can not be a patient who focuses on every lump post-op. I am NOT, but second surgery in three mos, lets get this right and I told him I just wanted to report what I felt... Wrote me a script for Nifedipine as he thinks muscle need loosening, told me to do whatever, but maybe not ride a bike and this (with hallway door open to rest of office "no anal sex!" Dear god....! I think he was chuckling. Now the lump is so sore and feel like a hemm.... I still don't know why I have freakin lump- he never answered and if I have another abscess after all this time I will shoot myself. So there is your comic relief for the evening. We can't make this stuff up. Keep hopping in tub. I think you are beating this thing! OXO

Great news GG!!

I am certain that things will turn around from this point on. You have been amazingly brave through all of this and soon this will all be a distant memory.

@zinnia, keep an eye on the lump and hopefully it's not an infection. Doctors are notorious for brushing things off till they get serious.

Oh dear! That's quite the appointment! Yikes. I developed some hemmorhoids over the past few weeks - I think the trauma from the surgery can exacerbate things. Maybe that's all your lump is. Is it very painful at all?

Thanks patience and healing! I hope that's true. Will be sticking to my miralax for a while I think.

I'm starting to think I should just move into the bathroom but my poor butt needs a break. Feels like I was punched in the pelvis. Lots of D now, but also some large hard stuff mixed in - hoping that will end soon because oh my lord it hurts to pass those. Like feeling like I will be ripped open. A little bleeding on the last trip but not a ton, especially considering the size of what I passed.

Ugh long night...only 1:00 am now. I'm hoping this will end eventually...but on the bright side I don't think I'll have to take more tomorrow, I'll see what the surgeons office says.

maybe make your self a little nest with pillows in bathroom? You will have such a well-earned nap tomorrow!

So pleased for you GG that's amazing at least it's all out and you can rest soon and start again.
I know how depressing this can be I had an awful day yesterday was having spasms for over 8 hours even 4 gabapentin didn't touch it. But I have woke up this morning and they have stopped so I can get on with life and it's off to work.
The pain doesn't last forever but our minds can't always see that in the midst of the agony