Diary of pain

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Re: Diary of pain

Postby bgd » 01 May 2013, 02:10

Apr 30 - BM at 7:30PM
Felt great the past 4 days, I think Manuka Honey works. The long breaks between BMs allow me to forget about the pain, so I'm always looking forward for the next BM with renewed confidence. This time it paid off. Managed to cover the AF completely with vaseline and slow down stool. Didn't feel any pain after a long time. More here:
http://anal-fissure.org/t6597-how-not-to-tear-vaselinecontraction#88352
Pain peaks at 6-7, controllable with warm baths, but I realized my mental tolerance to pain has decreased after I got rid of the agonizing pain 9+ I had before botox. Even though pain is now bearable, I'm not able to move focus elsewhere. The fact is I'm still tied between the bed and bath tub for 8h after BM. Even when pain decreases to 3-4 I'm still unable to fall asleep due to frustration. I can only fall asleep when pain subsides almost completely.
Fell asleep after 4AM. Feeling great the next day.
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Re: Diary of pain

Postby bgd » 03 May 2013, 11:16

May 3rd - BM around 6:45PM; 3 days since last BM
My symptoms where completely gone before BM. I've put it on the previous successful BM, which gave me like 7 days of healing without a tear. But I had this feeling of bowel fullness, starting 2 days after BM. However I decided to hold back for another day.
I also cut off on herbal ointments. I decided the keep only the one given by my doctor, which I find it has the best cooling effect, at least that. And I'm also keeping Manuka, I find it does work, at least on my placebo.
Today I felt like going all day long, some farts helped in the morning, but then it was clearly no.2 popping its head out. So I went home a bit earlier to start the protocol. Added another step to the portfolio, bath before BM, thanks anonymous board member, can't remember ID. It did help relax the sphincter before BM.
I used even more vaseline this time, however this BM wasn't so successful. Although I barely eat anything (something like 2 tomatoes with olive oil and bread day 1) I got a very large stool, luckily still soft. So it started alright, I was super careful to slow down and release gently. I did start to feel some itch after a while; the large amount of stool must've washed off the vaseline. Since weather got hot, I also noticed vaseline got thinner, so it might be a good idea to keep it in the refrigerator and apply cold.
Anyways, there was some blood and I did feel some itch, not like a tear, more like an irritation. But I don't feel that bad tearing sensation, so it shouldn't be that bad after all. But I'm starting to wonder if big stools rarely is better than small stools more often. Either way, it seems to tear, more or less. I might go back and try pooping once every 2 days, see how that goes.
Usual massive swelling that went away in minutes while bathing. No pain afterwards. Hour and a half later I'm starting to feel the symptoms. Sphincter slowly closing in, slight stinging. It usually gets bad after 4h. My daughter just kicked me right in the ass while drinking her milk next to me, that surely didn't help.
Now waiting to see how bad it gets this time. Trying to focus on the time past 8h when pain usually subsides completely, so I'll probably have a great weekend with next BM on Monday. It's not that bad after all, I'm down to 3-4 hours in bed waiting for another 3-4 of pain, mainly moderate and controllable with baths. All this every 3-4 days. We can call it a progress.
....
4 and a half hours past BM and had no real spasm, just some small wannabes. I don't think it's gonna show up tonight, so I might even be able to fall asleep before midnight. Not that I miss it, but it's a bit surprising cause I did have more discomfort during this BM compared to other occasions when I got spasm. This is 2nd time I'm not having spasm since it all started. It is still annoying that I need to rest for hours after BM, but it's a good progress overall. I have to conclude it's the Manuka Honey, it is the only new element I introduced one week ago.
....
So I fell asleep close to midnight thinking spasm has left the building. Then I felt like I'm gonna lose my mind when I woke up 2 AM in moderate pain, but enough to keep me awake. Why this 7+ hours delay?? What is going on? Short shower spray stopped the spasm but then bam, it wakes me again at 3:30AM. This time I needed to sit in the bath tub. It started so well, now all my night ruined. Don't get it.
Last edited by bgd on 04 May 2013, 02:09, edited 5 times in total.
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Re: Diary of pain

Postby bgd » 03 May 2013, 12:20

As I was laying in bed waiting for the spasm to come (or not) I was having these metaphysical thoughts, trying to find a karmic explanation for all this, or rather a higher power to blame for putting this into my life or rather not helping me get out of it. Then it dawned upon me, it's all my fault, I screwed up and I brought this upon myself. I didn't even follow the basic rules of living. Then I had 20 years to get off this derailed train or at least several month before it got chronic. But stupidly I didn't do anything about it till the vary last moment.
On the other hand I'm glad this happened to me. Life seems to be structured so we all pay some kind of toll after all. Suffering seems to be inevitable, it will come sooner or later. This is painful, as painful as it can be, but not deadly; could've been much worse.
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Re: Diary of pain

Postby marg6043 » 04 May 2013, 14:37

bgd, sorry to read about your progress and set back, I am having the same problems, 11 months already and for the last 6 it has been on and off, getting better but never gone.
I feel your pain my friend.
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Re: Diary of pain

Postby bgd » 06 May 2013, 15:59

BM data:
Date: May 5th 4:30PM
Days since last BM: 2 (couldn't hold longer, had some leftovers trapped inside)
Bristol: 5-6
Swelling: yes
Blood: not noticeable on toilet paper, thought I saw a flake on the stool
BM pain: 1-2
post BM pain: 0-2.5
Hours in bed: 7
Pain next day: 0-2, mainly when standing/walking
Numbers say it all, finally a somewhat normal BM. Very relaxed sphincter. No spasm this time, although I do need to lay down for many hours to achieve this. Standing causes immediate increase in levels of pain.
Big milestone, hope to maintain this. Had a similarly good BM about 2 weeks ago but had a set back.
Re-introduced eggs and small quantities of meat
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Re: Diary of pain

Postby bgd » 16 May 2013, 10:05

Date: May 9th 7PM
Days since last BM: 4
Bristol: 5-6
Swelling: yes
Blood: no
BM pain: 1
post BM pain: 0-1
Hours in bed: 4
Pain next day: 0
Took a few steps in the room 4h after BM and it started to hurt. Quick bath stopped the mild spasm. Went to bed and slept through the night.
Looks like slowly getting better. Holding on to Manuka, made big progress since I started using.
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Am I healed???

Postby bgd » 16 May 2013, 10:10

Date: May 12th 11PM
Days since last BM: 3
Bristol: 5-6
Swelling: yes
Blood: no
BM pain: 0 !!!!!
post BM pain: 0 !!!!!!!!!
Hours in bed: whole night
Pain next day: 0
Am I ready to say Manuka works, first pain free BM since November.
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Bi-weekly check up May 13th

Postby bgd » 16 May 2013, 10:16

Doctor said I made great progress since last check up 2 weeks ago. Wound starts to scar, although not perfectly, fissure folded in, risking to produce a fistula. He wants to do cauterization to cut open the fold.
Fissure reduced from 1.5cm to less than 1cm. He was quite amazed. I told him about manuka.
Check up hurt a bit, hope he didn't tear me!
Last edited by bgd on 22 May 2013, 13:18, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Diary of pain

Postby bgd » 16 May 2013, 10:20

Date: May 14th 11PM
Days since last BM: 2
Bristol: 4
Swelling: yes
Blood: no
BM pain: 1
post BM pain: 1-2
Hours in bed: whole night
Pain next day: 1-2
Ouch, setback. Since I felt so good I had the guts to eat some meat and poop after 2 days. Now I'm paying the price. Stool is just a bit harder, enough to get a tear. I think yesterday's check up also payed a role.
Not a very bad tear, but need to be careful next time, back on veggies only.
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Re: Diary of pain

Postby Ever the Optimist » 16 May 2013, 14:34

BGD - It's been an incredible read reading your diary of events so far.....Many thanks for posting this -
Just a few thoughts?
Have you ever been prescribed or used Nitro or Diltiazem?
You say you eat Bread - Do you eat large quantities and white or small amounts and wholemeal?
Is holding back your BMs truly a help? I do understand exactly why you are doing this and your mental reasoning for doing so, but 3-4 days is a long time to wait. Do you still manage to achieve soft stools after the stool has been stored in your body for so long? I was amazed to read you have used Immodium too - the one thing I would not even contemplate using with a fissure as it can constipate.
Is it possible you are so tense by the whole issue and so "focused" that the stress is actually making things worse? Fissures tend to be the only thing going on in our world when they hit the hardest, sometimes shifting focus makes a huge difference.....
It sounds like you are doing a lot of great stuff though there and I admire your determination and attitude to get through all this. I also feel you do lot of searching for answers when you get these things and when you find conclusions and reach acceptance that it is your fault, (as was also in my case - although not for everyone) then this is a major mental part of the healing process and yes, you are spot on, as horrible as it all is, it could be SO much worse.
I wish you truly all the very best and hope to read more & more positive reports as you progress........I'm assuming you have a CRS follow-up at some point too?
Please don't take any of my questions as criticisms in any way - it's simply observations I made whilst reading through your account.........
Chronic Fissure diagnosed December 2011
Healed by Diltiazem around Feb 2013
Anal Fistula followed burst abscess in June 2012
2 internal troublesome piles remain & suspected, but undiagnosed, ongoing Levator Ani type symptoms & flare-ups
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