OMB, thanks for the advice. I am just too afraid to try the honey right now. The one time I tried it it burned so bad I thought I was going to lose my mind. The tissue is just so raw down there right now. For now I guess I'll keep doing what I have been and hopefully continue healing, albeit very slowly.

A lot of the time the wound keeps itself moist and that is causing irritation to the neighbouring tissues. But I guess the moisture we apply would be more protective than the moisture from the wound itself right? I think I'll stick with diaper cream.

Yes, it has been agony watching life go on around me for so long now. I am just so starved to live again!

So sorry that you are still having problems msimon. Slow healing us still healing - any progress is a good thing. Life can wait until you are ready for it - concentrate on getting better. Good luck to you.

Thanks so much Worrier. That means a lot to me when I know you have your own struggles. We on this forum are all in this together

Feeling really defeated today It seems that I feel like I make gains for a few days where I don't bleed on my BM or the discharge slows down and then wham, bad anismus and bleeding. The last few days I have been having trouble emptying and having more solid parts of my BM kind of getting stuck and today I had to force one a bit and I bled. Now the throbbing begins. Last night it was so itchy I thought I would die! Now I definitely didn't empty today and feel backed up and am already dreading what tomorrow will bring. I don't know what has happened. How did LIS not help me with this stuckage?

I am worried that things are getting worse as my pelvic floor botox kicks in as sometimes that makes things come down quite wide but it doesn't address the tight hole so I have a problem with a lot of pressure and then tearing. I still have the option to get more botox from my CRS (into the internal sphincter) but this is an absolute last resort. That did not work out well for me before.

Sorry for the rant. I am just feeling really trapped and powerless in my own body and am having a very hard time seeing a resolution to all this.

Hugs to you dear msimon. It seems to follow a pattern whilst healing.... Two steps forward, one step back. It was certainly the case for me for months. Please don't loose hope, hang on in there. Maybe have a nice soothing warm bath and see if that helps things move along. Easy for me to say, but please don't even force a tiny bit... Get up, walk around and see if the urge comes back.

What stool softeners are you taking? Do you need to up them or add something in? Are you getting enough fibre?

I was just about to cite the two steps forward, one back rule too.

So terribly sorry to hear that you're having another down day, msimon.

I know that it is really hard to keep believing that things will get better, but I truly believe that they will.

Hugs from me too.

Thanks so much Chacha and OMB. Hugs back to you both.

OMB, the issue with my muscles is what causes my need to force things. The BM is there, still soft by all accounts but the muscles close shut around it. If I don't try while it is there, it will not come until the next day and will be hard and will mean more pushing. And usually walking around with it there makes things tighten more Things are quite predictable that way for me. I just don't understand what happened. After the LIS things moved out so easily. It was so wonderful to not have to worry about all this. Then it got progressively narrower and this last surgery really did it. I hope so much I won't need more botox! I think I will have to try the nifedipine ointment again.

I take Miralax, magnesium and a tiny bit of psyllium. I get a lot of fiber in my diet too. I think some days I may not drink enough with it. I was taking more of these things but then I was getting too runny so I cut back yesterday and then this happened. The thing is, the consistency would be just fine for most people, it's just that with the muscle tightness I can only pass near liquid, and even then, often not. My muscles are so screwed up down there with some tight and some loose. I also know that the first few weeks after botox can be a rollercoaster until things rebalance so I hope it's just a matter of getting past that. I hope I don't regret getting such a tiny amount though but I guess I can always get more but not take it away if it's too much.

My CRS said not to worry if I bleed on my BM because it's just the highly vascularized granulation tissue but I am concerned when it globs and is the result of being forced out a tight hole . Thanks again for the concern.

I'm sorry for everything you're going through! I hope you see some progress forward soon.

I don't think I'll be of much help for ideas, except do you squat to have a BM? I know that helps some people. I can't remember if they tried a muscle relaxant for you? I don't even know if that would help.

Hang in there!

Thanks Still hoping. I do indeed squat and it sometimes helps. I have also tried muscle relaxants but have not had much luck with that. Hopefully the botox will help but I will have to be patient. Thanks for the suggestions.

How have you been doing?