Hi everyone,

I like many of you found this site in the middle of a desperate moment feeling like I will never recover.

I had a traumatic birth 4 months ago and got my first AF a couple of weeks after giving birth but didn’t start to deal with it for a few weeks after that as had so much pain (episiotomy, year etc) I couldn’t work out what the pain was or isolate it.

I have been on diltiazem ointment for months and have not seen an improvement. It is agony when I go to the toilet and the spasms last hours.

I was really struggling to get my bowel movements consistent and soft, was going from hard to diarrhoea without anything inbetween.

I have just started taking fybrogel once a day and milled flaxseed on my weetabix in the morning, along with drinking 3 litres of water a day. I’m breastfeeding so need a lot! I also still take lactoluse. But it’s still agony.

I’m trying really hard to self soothe but don’t feel I’m getting anywhere. I do a bath every day which soothes while I am in there.

I haven’t been able to see the CRS due to covid lockdown but I have now been booked in for the Botox treatment and a removal of heamrroid on 16 June

From what I’ve read I’m terrified it is going to make things worse not better and I feel so low. It’s really affected these first few months with my baby and it’s affecting my relationship with my husband as I don’t think he understands the pain and how low it makes me.

I try to do some exercise every day - is there anything else I can do?

Or any advice ahead of the Botox surgery?

Thanks x

So sorry to hear that you've been suffering so much, but I'm really happy knowing that you'll be getting some relief soon. An anal fissure, a new baby, and COVID-19 are a lot to cope with all at once. I think that you're very strong to be handling it all so well and I'm sure that things will improve once the Botox kicks in. I've not had the procedure myself, but you might want to do a search to find posts on how others fared on that front.

I am kinda in the same situation as you. The CRS I have spoken to wants me to try botox as well and I am terrified. I have not really read where it helps more than making it worse.

You’re not alone, I’m a stay at home dad (daughter is 3) and my situation is similar. My day starts ok but after BM I’m in agony for 6 hrs. The only thing I can do is pace. My wife is desensitized to it, she doesn’t even recognize my discomfort. Frankly, it’s so bad I turned to Cannabis (legal in Canada) because I’m desperate but that didn’t really help

The pain is something but for me the mental aspect is worse. I’m depressed, I know how my day will go and it isn’t going to be good.

Hang in there, it’s got to get better!

Hi everyone, thanks for your replies. I just wanted to come here and update. I did have the Botox surgery, the two weeks following the Botox were very very hard. I was in worse pain than before (I also had some heamrroids removed) I had to have a hot bath 3 or 4 times a day and use ice packs, but then it started to get better and for the last couple of months it’s been amazing the difference. I still take all of the stuff to keep me soft and regular but it has been so much easier to go to the toilet and barely any pain.

However the Botox is now wearing off and I’m feeling sore again, don’t know if that’s normal but hopefully that if it does go back I can have another dose and that could heal it, or to be honest I’d get the actual operation- I need my life how it has been these past few months and can’t go back.

So for anyone considering it - the recovery is hard, but for me it was worth it - so far...

Thanks for coming back and giving us an update. VERY happy to hear that things are working out well for you!