There is still pinkish blood on the gauze on and off, but I can't tell whether or not it has come from the outside or the inside, or both. The pooping pain has diminished somewhat, but it still stings a bit for sure.

My follow-up is on Tuesday. I am trying to stay off my butt until then, which is getting increasingly frustrating. So far, I would still say that I am in more pain than I was when I went in for surgery, and there are some wounds down there somewhere as evidenced by the blood, for sure, so I can't yet judge whether or not this surgery will be a success or not. I am trying not to think about it, because there's nothing I can do about it one way or the other until things settle down enough to tell what options are left to me anyway. I'm sorry you're not improving after all. It's so frustrating for such a seemingly trivial thing to be so god dam stubborn. ruined my life.

Let us know how it goes on Tuesday asdf. Hope you are doing better.

Best wishes for some good news on your follow up tomorrow Asdf.

The CRS found that my flaps were completely healed EXCEPT for the posterior midline between them. That is, I still have a fissure exactly where my old fissure was. And everything else is healed. I am overwhelmedby sadness. Even my CRS was pretty sad today. I don't know what's left for me.

asdf, I am so sorry to hear this news. I can only imagine how devastated you must be. I wish you could be healed right now.

I'm so sorry. I will continue praying for you.

I am so sorry to hear this Asdf. After learning of your story I was so hoping this was going to fix you. I am so sad for you right now.

Wow, it sure shows that you can heal, but why not the fissure? What did your Doctor say? Does he/she have any ideas of why and what to do now? I, myself am so sick of this I would go for a colostomy if offered. Of course, that is without me knowing all the risks of that.

He say he needs to think... But it's very obvious that it will not heal. He was seriously bummed out, I can tell. He has been my CRS for almost 2 years trying to heal this fucking mess. I feel bad for the guy honestly. Every other edge of the flaps are now healed, that's 6 other edges, and the one that doesn't heal is of course the posterior midline, the one that means fissure, of course. That is literally the worst news that I could have gotten. It means failed op. I'm not going to tease myself this time by telling myself to wait and see. I'm going to lie in bed and try to cry myself to sleep for now.

I will go for a colostomy, I guess, before killing myself. It was offered to me by 1 or 2 CRS doctors. I don't know if I can afford it now. And I don't even know if I'll heal with it if I have failed so many other methods.

My heart hurts for you.

Asdf. My heart is broken for you, I mean broken. I wish I had some words sure to comfort you. You may not even want me to but I am praying for you tonight and for myself as this could very well be me in not too long of time. While you are crying those tears my heart is right there with you.