I was only using sudocrem as I found it to be the most neutral cream - one that didn't cause a rash!! but I've not gone back to my hemoclin which I used when this all started. it's expensive but I found it helps.

I think your both right, maybe micro tears from bending and picking up all the skittles! really regretting it now I'm not sure what to ask my CRS this evening or what is going to be next for me. So nervous but must carry on none the less.

BM this am had no blood with a bit of pain but I'm left at work now with a throbbing pain down there almost like spasms at 12 and 6. I'd consider myself quite a stoic strong character but For the first time in ages I cried myself to sleep last nght

My sphincter is in agony just got back from my crs who refused to examine me as it looked so raw but said he will follow up in another month - he suggested next course is another round of Botox or advance flap if no improvement. I've just tried to use some gtn before bed but it feels like I've got hundreds of mini cuts all over my sphincter. So so sore.

My heart is breaking for you. I really, really, really hope that your pain level improves really soon.

thanks Chacha, I'm wondering if it was the hemoclin that I was allergic to and ended up giving me a rash with lots of micro tears? who knows.

Todays pain isn't as bad but its always there like a 4/10 but hot bottles help.
Back to work tomorrow so that's gonna be awful!

I will send good thoughts your way tomorrow, and maybe it won't be as bad as you fear. Each new day brings more healing, so even if you take one step back, you'll surely go two forward soon.

thanks chacha, it's amazing how different I feel day to day. Today isn't as bad at all but got a specific pain again at 7pm but its only an itchy pinch if anything. I feel so tempted to try something to push me more into the healing zone as I feel so so close to it. I'm tempted to try dilating again but I don't want to do any damage.

I am in the same boat right now Ff. One day I feel like I am almost healed and then next I feel like I was just in surgery. I won't even see blood or anything. I suspect my muscles are playing all these tricks on me. My advice would be to hang in there. If I were in your position I would only try some coconut oil or vitamin E/A oil. Does your sphincter still feel tight to you? Are you able to move it? How are your BMs? Do you do frequent baths or heating pad applications?

I know exactly what you mean MS!! for most of today I felt 100% normal with a lovely BM this morning (never thought I'd say that) and then this afternoon just before leaving work I had the horrible tugging pains back that felt like post surgery all over again. I have sitz baths every day with coconut oil and I take oral Vit E every day.

My sphincter feels tight and sensitive to the touch most of the time, but I use heating pads most evenings which help. What about you?

I use a vitamin a and e oil on the incision area in the morning and coconut oil in the evening. I take a warm bath in the morning and evening. I also often use nifedipine once a day, after my BMs. Sometimes it helps and sometimes it seems to make things worse. I have no idea why. I just realized today that it has now been 4 months since my last surgery and I am having the worst day I can remember for weeks now. It's throbbing and pulling and I just want to go to bed and cry. I just feel so gutted. Like I am going to make my way to out highest bridge. I just don't know what else I can do.

Oh no I know Exactly what you mean and I'm so so sorry. All I can offer is my sympathy and understanding. I've just had my second BM of the day and I'm on lots of pain now. Your part of a loving community and we all understand what it's like. This is s horrible roller coaster and we live in the moment, I just pray tomorrow is easier for you. Take some ibuprofen and a warm glass of milk - Go sit on a hot bottle in bed and try to rest. Sleep has been my best friend when I can get any as its a lovely escape. Huge hugs and we are all here for you - keep your chin above the water I know how hard that is but I know you can do it xxxxx