Hey Jen : ) ! I wrote complete report long time ago - but I will write it again so maybe somebody else would be saved from this thing happening - although whoever comes here already have a fissure LOL ! But - here it goes.
I went to vacation ( Hawaii) one beautiful, sunny early morning. Limo driver came little bit earlier and I did not have a chance to go to the bathroom and have my BM that I usually have first thing in the morning. My husband had an injury and could not carry heavy stuff although he insisted - I made him not carry all the stuff himself
and so I was carrying VERY heavy, huge suitcases too. When we came to the airport I felt like going to the bathroom but I hate public bathrooms and decided to hold it . We traveled for 5 hours and I did not keep myself hydrated and to make the things worse had a glass of white vine - the thing I never do in the plane - just my hubby wanted to make a toast and so I had it. We came to H. and again, I carried a lot of heavy stuff and was still dehydrated. I insisted on going to grocery shopping before we go to the condo
so that we can immediately go to the beach and not worry about other stuff. In the grocery store I again felt like going and I told myself : " Hey Fissy, enough of this craziness - go an poop like all other people , what is wrong with you??? " So I went and I set on the toilet and tried to relax without success. People were screaming around - somebody's kids argued in the next stall , whole commotion - I just can' t go in public places - just one of my quirks : (((. I can't even go when it is total quiet since I am afraid I would make an embarrassing sound - like pass the gas - god forbid !!! So I set ,and set and finally got upset that I can't go like regular folks and pushed with all my might and since my internal super sphincter was in spasm out of psychosis I tore myself open

!!! I felt pain but was happy that I made it and did not think anything about it until pain continued and became stronger and STRONGER every day. Last 5 days I stayed in bed and prayed to God to help me live through journey back home and I was still sure that "it was nothing "- maybe some hemmie or something like that and that that my GP will fix in a day or 2- and oh well - we now how that day or two ended up :( :( :( .
So, there is my story - I did it to myself :pale: - it is result of my stubbornness and of pushing myself over my limits - I can't forgive myself for doing what I did - but who could even dream about this happening , I never had any problems down there , not even a hemmie - never heard of fissure in my life

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