Hi everyone,
I’m having a big setback at the moment and just feel like venting. I haven’t felt this bad since last December and January (I first got the fissure around Christmas time). I was doing really well for the past few months. I would go several weeks to a couple months with little to no pain except the occasional stinging and aches. Then, this past week, for absolutely no reason, I developed pain at the fissure site again. I don’t get pain during bowel movements and I don’t bleed (never have), but I get the spasms and stinging afterward for several hours. I’m even getting radiating pain again that travels down my legs and up my back when it’s at its worst. This has been going on for the past few days and was pretty bad today.
I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. : ( I don’t get constipated and my stools are super soft, so that isn’t the problem. I eat very healthy and drink a lot of water to prevent any issues with that. I just don’t understand why I’m getting more pain when I did nothing to cause or aggravate it. This is exactly what happened when I first go the problem. I know I get tight down there and I seem even tighter now due to the increased pain. I’m still using the Diltiazem cream twice a day (been using it for months), which seems to relax the muscle, although I don’t know if it’s enough to promote healing with me.
I’m just at a loss of what to do. I’m scared about seeing a CRS again and I don’t know how I’ll be able to afford it with no health insurance (I'm in the U.S. and it would cost me $500 or so just for a short appointment). I’m scared out of my mind about getting surgery and about it making everything worse (I don’t have pain with bowel movements, but I know surgery can cause that afterward in recovery… I don’t know how I’d be able to handle even more horrible pain during the recovery period). I don't want to go from the frying pan into the fire, so to speak, which is one of the reasons surgery scares me so much. I have depression and panic disorder and this all greatly upsets me. I don’t know if I’d be able to even handle a physical exam/anoscopy, let alone surgery, mentally or physically. I want to heal naturally so badly, but this recent setback has really gotten me down and is making me lose hope in that route. I’m just at a loss. :( Is it still possible to heal naturally even with setbacks like this?
Sorry for the ranting. I’m just really discouraged right now and could use a hug. Today was my birthday and this whole thing ruined it for me again, just like Christmas. Thanks for listening.