Thankyou BT,

I am really finding it hard to keep positive! Yesterday I had the horrible knife pain and spasms all day. It is days like that when I totally lose the plot... I just think this is never going to end. I need to try more positive thoughts, and think that I am stronger than this damn stupid tear in my bum!! I just feel like it is holding me back and ruining my life!

No advice for you just know I am keeping you in my thoughts as we are in the same boat. Hang in there. I know exactly how you feel.

Thankyou So Tired... We can do this! Think of the day when we will have pain free bottoms. Pure Bliss xx

Just keep reminding yourself of the nearly pain free summer you've just had.... You can, and will get there again Rachael!
If things are really starting to get on top of you, go back to your dr and see if he suggests going back on your ads for a bit.... I would hate to think of you getting as low and panicky as you did last year.
If the recto is making you sore,could you call your crs's secretary and ask for a prescription for diltiazem? Have you used that before??

Hang on in there..... I know it feels like it will never end, and I also know it's rich coming from someone like me who has had a fissure over 2 1/2 years..... But..... It will... You won't be stuck like this forever.

Hi Rachael,
Stay strong and try to rise above all the pain & the stress. Don't let it all start to consume and overwhelm you......you're just having a more difficult time right now but it'll pass by again and things will start to become better again and you will feel better in yourself. You really are so much stronger than that stupid little tear in your bot!
Do you have anything fun or relaxing booked in the next few weeks? Some thing that can "lift" you a little and shift your thoughts??........Did you ever get around to thinking more about a holiday? xxxx

Hang in there. Thinking of you xx

Thankyou everyone....

OMB, I did try the Dilt before and it didn't really do much, so I am not sure what to do now! I am wiping with coconut oil after BM. I don't feel I need to go back on the ADs at the moment, but I will if I start sliding into that black hole again.... I just can't imagine what will happen if I get as bad as I was before the Botox.

ETO, I haven't got anything booked at the moment.... My partner is having an op next Tuesday, so he will be off work for 4-6 weeks. I go back to work next week, but break up on the 12th December for Xmas.... I am scared to do anything as I am having a bad time at the moment with pain.... I know I can't let this god damn thing control me......

Nice to hear from you PIA... Hope you are still doing really well x Thankyou.

Well yesterday was horrible..... I had a small sized 4 in the morning , then all day I was in horrible pain, you know the knife moving and the spasm that makes you feel sick. I haven't changed anything, so I am thinking it is stress from everything else going on. Then to top it off, I had another BM at 10pm and it was a 4 again, I had to go straight to bed after my bath. CRS told me to aim for Bristol 4 which is what I am getting, but at the moment it is causing me issues.... Going to up the Movicol today.

I am going to go on a cleaning mission to take my mind off it....

I am so sorry your in so much pain. Thinking of you often and sending up little prayers for us!

Thankyou STOT. Hope you are coping okay....

I am having strange BM incidents..... This hasn't happened for a long time..... Strange plug starts as a 3 ish then changes to a small 4. I haven't changed anything, maybe it is stress. Drat. Weirdly there isn't much pain on BM it's afterwards that horrible knife,sore feeling. Aghhhh.

I have got a prescription for Dilt, collecting it on Tuesday, suppose it's worth a try. God damn bottom. Bloody hate it.

Agh, I need a rant!

I really can't do this anymore! This morning I had the glass feeling bad from a small 4 turned into a 5 at the end... What the hell. First time since Botox.... This isn't an acute Fissure, I know this is the same one! Botox didn't do jack did it and to top it off I felt a twinge at the other site where I had the other Fissure. No straining, Movicol, Diet, lubrication, what else can I do? I am going to the doc tomorrow to tell them I can't live like this... I am even contemplating now, getting a second opinion from another CRS and paying privately! What the heck, I am breaking down again.....