My doctor told me I was healed and that I should keep applying the cream for a couple weeks just to be sure. That same day I had a rather bad BM and I guess that was the start of the end of my positivity. I didn't want to come to terms with the fact that I had probably re-teared my fissure. The first week of this new year I went on a vacation with my family where it was hard to go on with my normal routine and diet. My BMs weren't the worst but they weren't the best. The final day of my vacation I had a rough BM that finally made me realize I've re opened my fissure. There was less than a drop of blood on the toilet paper, but it was there. There was some pain that lasted for the rest of the day, even though I took some Ibuprofen.
Right now I'm not only feeling discouraged, but outraged. It's been almost four months since this started and I'm still dealing with the same issues over and over again. There has to be more than life than eating veggies for every meal and running and hoping/praying that my stool will be soft. I feel so discouraged, hopeless, I don't know what I was expecting... that maybe the new year would bring some fucking good news...
I'm not planning on going back to see my proctologist, at least not for now. I'll try to keep my BMs regular and my stool soft (HA, LIKE THAT'S WORKED SO FAR) and keep applying the cream. If I don't see any improvements I will have to go back and have a real talk with my doctor. I can't live like this. He either gives me something, ANYTHING, or I don't know what I'll do. I know I've said before that I felt like I was losing my mind, well, now I'm on the edge of insanity for real.
