Hi everyone,
I’m having a big setback at the moment and just feel like venting. I haven’t felt this bad since last December and January (I first got the fissure around Christmas time). I was doing really well for the past few months. I would go several weeks to a couple months with little to no pain except the occasional stinging and aches. Then, this past week, for absolutely no reason, I developed pain at the fissure site again. I don’t get pain during bowel movements and I don’t bleed (never have), but I get the spasms and stinging afterward for several hours. I’m even getting radiating pain again that travels down my legs and up my back when it’s at its worst. This has been going on for the past few days and was pretty bad today.
I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. : ( I don’t get constipated and my stools are super soft, so that isn’t the problem. I eat very healthy and drink a lot of water to prevent any issues with that. I just don’t understand why I’m getting more pain when I did nothing to cause or aggravate it. This is exactly what happened when I first go the problem. I know I get tight down there and I seem even tighter now due to the increased pain. I’m still using the Diltiazem cream twice a day (been using it for months), which seems to relax the muscle, although I don’t know if it’s enough to promote healing with me.
I’m just at a loss of what to do. I’m scared about seeing a CRS again and I don’t know how I’ll be able to afford it with no health insurance (I'm in the U.S. and it would cost me $500 or so just for a short appointment). I’m scared out of my mind about getting surgery and about it making everything worse (I don’t have pain with bowel movements, but I know surgery can cause that afterward in recovery… I don’t know how I’d be able to handle even more horrible pain during the recovery period). I don't want to go from the frying pan into the fire, so to speak, which is one of the reasons surgery scares me so much. I have depression and panic disorder and this all greatly upsets me. I don’t know if I’d be able to even handle a physical exam/anoscopy, let alone surgery, mentally or physically. I want to heal naturally so badly, but this recent setback has really gotten me down and is making me lose hope in that route. I’m just at a loss. :( Is it still possible to heal naturally even with setbacks like this?
Sorry for the ranting. I’m just really discouraged right now and could use a hug. Today was my birthday and this whole thing ruined it for me again, just like Christmas. Thanks for listening.

Hi Luka,
When did you get setback? Usually it takes up to 2 weeks to get rid of setback if it is not major.
Are you able to find you fissure in mirror? Can you check by yourself what is going there or ask husband/relatives to check it with torch. This way you will save 500 $.

Hi Luka,  
I'm so sorry your having a setback & feeling so low especially on you birthday :(.
It sounds like your in continuous spasm I was like this towards the end where I'd no real pain from fissure it was just the muscle giving trouble. Give it a few days of sitz baths etc to see if it calms if not I'd scrap the money up to see a CRS.
Please don't be afraid of surgery I've had it 7 wks ago & I'm fully healed the pain from it is very manageable & everyday gets better unlike fissure & spasm pain.
Try to relax pg it will ease after a day or two. Take care x
 

Dear Luka
I'm so so sorry you are feeling so down, and like you have had a set back. Just try and stick to your routine... Lots of water, relaxing baths etc... Keep on with the diltiazem ... I'm sure this is just a small blip that will recover in a week or so. Until then... Be patient... Try not to panick.. Take some regular painkillers if you need them.... You have come this far..you can certainly go further.
We are all here for you in the mean time!
 

  
  

Thank you everyone for the support. I'm just having a really low point in all of this and I'm starting to panic.
Igrik: This setback started about a week ago. I can see the beginning of the fissure in the mirror, as well as the small tag, but I'm so tight at the moment that it's hard to see (it's internal and can't be seen from the outside). There's no way I would ask someone else to look at it unless they're a doctor. I'm way too embarrassed about that.
Edel: I'm happy to hear surgery healed you. Was recovery really difficult for you? I'm so tired of these ups and downs. I've had this less than a year, but I'm getting incredibly sick of it. I'm tired of this interfering with my life and I just want the pain to end and for this to heal once and for all.
owmybum: Thank you for your support. I definitely plan to keep doing what I've been doing and just praying that this setback goes away very soon. I was doing really well and this really upsets me.
I'm sure it doesn't help that my period is this week, which just further aggravates everything and makes the pain worse. My fissure always seems to get worse during PMS and menstruation. Just really bad timing.
Thank you everyone.  And thank you for the birthday wishes, Savaici and Edel. I'm 30 now... ugh, I can't believe it. No longer a 20-something. With this issue, I feel much older, though. : (

Luka i dont know which state your in but there are many ways to get insurance for low cost or free. Also if you cant pay each office usually has a donation center where you can go through, please dont be scared, ive been going through this for 3 years and probably at my worse now then the last 2 years so i am thinking surgery. Hang in there things will get better either through meds or small surgery. Things wont always be the same. If you want i can send you some money $200 or so. send me your paypal address and i will just send it to you no problem. Just PM it to me. Dont be sad just take it one day at a time...just think people go through cancer and they can beat it, we CAN beat this too...at least its not deadly...although sometimes it may feel like it.

Thank you for your offer, splinterboy. I really appreciate it. Thankfully, I do have some emergency savings I can dip into if I have to in order to pay for another office visit or surgery, if I need it. I live in California and I have looked into health insurance. Unfortunately, from my research, the plans are pretty pricey. I'm not sure where else to look for help.
I couldn't imagine going through this for 3 or more years. Has it been constant pain for you or just a lot of ups and downs? I told myself in the beginning when this all started that I would give myself a year to heal naturally. If that doesn't happen, I will go see a CRS again and get the surgery if I need it. I plan on sticking to that, as much as surgery (especially on my butt!) scares me.

Luka my story is long but mostly things are up and down for the the last 3 years...(i am almost 30 now)was 27 when this started... here is the small version, Got constipated july 2010 (first time in my life) and the fissure started(didnt know what is was for 6 months) finally was able to heal it in feb 2011 by eating a good diet and tons of water. but Just as i healed the first one i got a new one , this one was small and more bearable so thought ok i would heal...finally after 6 months and this time with help of miralax i healed again, but my muscles were really tense and i got another one..this one was more manageable so again i said to myself...one last time and then i go for surgery --i can heal this...but i couldnt...i went through a really hard last 2 years (lots of stress, marriage, new house, mom getting cancer and me being her caretaker-mom passed away few months ago:( )..anyway so i was managing just fine and again boom this april got 2 more after stress from mom passing away, now i am so tight and no matter what i do i cant heal...and at the point of considering surgery, but i am less afraid of it, really want to end this chapter in my life....anyway hang in there, we can beat this thing...do a little prayer and meditation, everything in life has a purpose, we just cant see it, but i really do believe it, its hard to see people walking around healthy and us thinking cant we just be normal, but after seeing my mom fight and pass away from cancer i have a different take on life now, one that is more spiritually broader, and with a sense of purpose. anyway i am always glad to help out if you need a lil bit of $$, ive save up some money and i am always willing to help out anyone in need, Dont hesitate if you ever need help. seriously. take care and try to relax, god willing we can all make it through and come out stronger.

Wishing you well, Luka, whether you go with surgery or not.  Our stories are all different, yet similar with the ups and downs!  I belive I am slowly healing, yet definitely not back to 'normal' after a number of months (I'm losing track....).  At least you are so much better informed and know how to manage your stools and other symptoms....you can always 'juggle' these things.  And yet, you are wanting a better quality of life.  If I were at that point I would be trying to figure out how to get a surgery consult (and/or save for the copay).  It's always in the back of my mind for the 'what if this gets worse scenario'.  At the same time, through a very careful regimen of sitz and ointments and avoiding hard stools I have seen slow progress.  A big hug and hope you figure out your best path or simply have a much better day tomorrow!