Starting to get excited for it. A bit nervous but that's normal. I'm not one to get that worked up over stuff like this. Maybe a lack of sleep for a night. Beyond that everything is scheduled. Figured I'd pull this out from the regular diary section as the more people I can help the better as I've 'suffered' a lot not because of fissures but because of the medical care I've received.
Backstory:
I first remember blood in my stool back in college. The normal bright red that we've all seen before. It'd go away after a few days and I never asked questions. Fast forward to 2010 (I'd be 24 or so) and I started bleeding all the time. It'd get slightly better and I'd retear and be back in the same boat. Pain was never too bad. Just a hot sort of pain that was always there. I thought it was a hemorrhoid as my mom has had issues with them. Nothing took care of it. Made doctor's apt.
1st Doc (Jan2011):
Went and saw my family doctor. Not a fan of his but figured he could help. He told me what a fissure was. Gave me nitrocream. Told me to use metamucil all the time. He said it'd be 3 months or so to get back on track. 6 months later the same gravy train wasn't working at all. Metamucil caused everything to go hard as a rock and bulk up. Still bleeding all the time. Had okay periods of a week or two, pain for 4-5 days then an okay period.
1st Doc(Oct2011), 2nd Visit:
This is where things get messed up. I knew about LIS, botox etc and figured I'd get referred to someone that could perform the procedures. My doctor wasn't having any of it. He said that they'll heal when they do. That there are no real surgical options and even if they were they wouldn't do them in my town. My town in which has a hospital with over 10,000 staff and a second hospital that is pretty big in itself. At this point I knew something was up. My family doctor is homophobic. My belief is that he figures I injured myself having sex so why would he care. Any talk of sex at all he'll not say 'anal sex' he'll say 'that'. I left that appointment pretty discouraged but I got a diltazem prescription. I found Dilt did offer some help. It did relax things and bring blood into the area. Still would retear a lot.
2nd Doc(June2012) Only visit:
At this point I went to the walk in clinic near me. My family doctor was no help and I was almost out of dilt and nitro. I wanted a refill atleast. This doctor took a look and seemed to care. I'd explained the situation and he said any longer then 3 months you need to look into surgery and he said that he'd give me stronger nitro (.3 or .4%) and he'd like me to come back if the problems continued after a few months. Said he could get me into a specialist. At this point in the story I've been able to stretch out the good periods longer. I'd tear once a month and have 3-5 good weeks normally. I also discovered Miralax and it helped more then anything else ever. Still use it. It also took a backseat as I had a messy breakup. Had to sell our house etc. I couldn't overly focus on my bum. As time went on I started getting more and more depressed over the situation. Being single and severely limited sexually was really causing me a lot of problems. Being in the dating pool I had to explain more then once 'Yeahh... I can't be receptive sexually as my ass is broken'. I finally said I need answers, I need something. I sent a very aggressive email to my family doctor saying GIVE ME A REFERRAL TO SOMEONE THAT CAN HELP OR THEY CAN SEND ME TO SOMEONE THAT CAN HELP. I should say I didn't go back to Doctor2 simply because its a walk in clinic so you enter the room and have to announce to the entire room your problem as their reception isn't private at all. Family doctor sent me to a doctor 2 towns over as he was able to see me within a few weeks. The waiting list to see a specialist was in the 6 months-1yr range.
3rd Doc(Dec2012) Only visit:
This doctor was a general surgeon. I made the trek to his small city he practiced in but they have a great hospital there. This doc seemed like he wanted to help. He was sympathetic and really disappointed my family doctor had delayed me getting treatment for years due to my sexuality or just not wanting to help. He scheduled me for Botox 2 weeks later. This entire situation was weird as I had to go to the pharmacy and they sold me botox.. at $445 for the vial. Had to keep it in the fridge and take it with me. Surgery wasn't a big deal but it again was weird. They put me out completely to give me a few needles. I'm 6'3 175 pounds, takes a lot to put me out and I don't come out of it well. The next few days I was mostly comfortable. Tiny bit of injection site pain. Botox lasted a long time but didn't help. I'd not really tear often but that was just me having the experience to eat better and take my miralax every day. I didn't really notice my ass feeling more numb either. If I ran I'd get gassy sometimes and didn't have the muscle control to keep it in but that was about it.
I gave it a solid 6 months and no real change. I had tore SOOOOOOOO many times over the years right between 5 and 6 oclock on my booty that I have scar tissue (I think a sentinel pile but no doctor has ever used that word to me). Just this hard balloon of flesh that inflates when I tear and has more pain then the actual fissure does. At this point I find the scar tissue way worse then the fissure as when it's irritated it hurts anytime I move. So my Botox doc said if that didn't work he was going to send me to a specialist in my hometown.
4th Doc (June2013-Present)
Botox doc sent in a referral to a local doctor in June of 2013. Months went by and I heard nothing. Called his office and no answer, just voicemail. Tried again, voicemail. I left a voicemail and didn't hear back. 4 days later their office calls me and this terrible terrible receptionist croaks at me that its generally 6 months. She's really rude and unhelpful. So okay at this point I know that around the 6 month mark they'll send me a card in the mail with appointment info. Time flows on (at this point I've got a really cute boyfriend, yay me!). December 6th comes and goes and no card in the mail. Boyfriend and I decide to get an apartment and move in. I call their office to say btw I'm moving here's my new address and again, voicemail. We move and I've not heard anything. Around this point (like middle march) I ask my old landlord if I can go pick up any of my mail. Low and behold there is an appointment card for April 8th. The next day the receptionist returns my 3 week old voicemail (lol).
Went and had my appointment. A resident doctor checks me out and does an exam, internal included. He then goes and gets the actual surgeon to come look. I explained my entire story to the surgeon. 5 years of getting dicked around, homophobic doctor etc. He apologized profusely for all that and said that he can fix me very very simply. Said he can do LIS and at the same time remove the scar tissue. They didn't set a surgery date just said they'd ring me and let me know when and that I also needed to get a physical done by my family doctor (urgh).
I am lucky to have this doc. His list of accreditations is a mile long. Everything from chief of staff at multiple hospitals to president of the college of surgeons to writing textbooks etc. I'm in good hands.
Got a call about 7 weeks later from my favorite receptionist saying the day was July 8th (yay for being soon!). I went and got the physical done and surprisingly it wasn't that bad. It was an assistant to the physician that did it. I had to lift my shirt and he knocked on my abdomen for some reason and weighed me. That was that.
So after all this about 5 years is going to finally be finished. It's been exhausting and a nightmare but also a valuable learning experience. My best advice to anyone living in a country that has public healthcare is to remind you that YOU are responsible for your health and care, not the system. If you let them you'll get shoved around as they are simply so friggin busy and booked up that if they can turn you away they will.
I'll keep this updated as my recovery diary. I don't expect much pain as I've not torn in a long time. One thing I've learned is everyone has their own struggle with fissures. Some have major pain. Some spend too much money on products to manage it. Even some people like me where it's a bit of pain and a sexual issue ontop of that. Either way very excited for the solution.