Day 13 and 14 - The setbacks continue...

On day 13 after surgery I went through my normal routine and tried to head off to work. Despite my BM being relatively easy and not too painful there was still some blood and the pain started kicking in before I left home. Should have taken this as a sign because by the time I was on the train I really regretted it. The pain was so bad that when I got to the town where I work I had to cross the platform and get the next train home again. Another day in bed with a hot water bottle. This is not progress!

I did manage to speak to a doctor via a helpline and she was reassuring that it sounds like my fissure is quite bad so it'll take some time to heal. She thought it could take up to four weeks. Just to think there might be some hope was helpful.

Today is exactly two weeks since the botox and again I didn't manage to make it to work. I went to the GP instead and got a far more sympathetic doctor. But again she had no real answers. How can something so common and painful not be fixable?

It's 8 hours now since my BM and finally the pain has receded enough to sit down. But it's hard to enjoy it when you know it'll be back tomorrow...

Day 15 - and so on...

Today was pretty much a carbon copy of the last few, except I cut myself some slack and didn't agonise about trying to go to work. The GP I saw yesterday had signed me off as only being able to work from home or with using a standing desk, but I worry that the company I work for is too small and unhelpful to be able to comply with this. Anyway my direct boss was very kind and I managed to do some work remotely which made me feel a bit less stressed about it all.

None the less the pain was grim as usual. It's kicking in quicker these days (used to be an hour after my BM, now it's more like 30 minutes) but then it goes on for hours. And hours. The only relief is lying still in bed on my side, with a hotwater bottle on my bottom. After a while like that I start to think I'm OK sometimes, but then I get up and realise I'm not. Bah.

Other change to my routine is the nice GP prescribed Rectogesic which I haven't used for a couple of months. It worked for me a couple of times before so it's worth a go maybe. Started using that last night.

Anyway it's 11 hours since my BM and I've still got a tweaky, pinchy pain. Stupid, stupid fissure!

Days 16 and 17 - and on...

On day 16 after the op I had two BMs and felt queasy most of the day, so not good. I was managing to totter around by late afternoon at least and even managed to get out for the evening (shock horror!). It felt hard to be sociable when my head is full of worry and dread though, but it was nice to glimpse normal life again for a bit.

Today (day 17) was probably one of the worst so far. Three hours after my BM the most excruciating pain set in, rendering me unable to sit, walk or even just be. The pain lasted for about 10 hours. So much crying. Having serious feelings of despair as can't see an end to this ever.

So sorry that you are still going through such pain. I hope the Botox kicks in soon. I did not have anything done, only did dilation which took quite a long time to eventually make a difference and stop the excruiating spasms that lasted for hours after each BM. Things will never be the same (I have stopped dilation now) as they were before this all began, but I can bear it now.

All the best with your healing

Thanks for your support Savaici! It's very easy to get down with bottom pain! I so admire the fact that you have bravely fixed yourself but as I mentioned on another thread, even just the thought of self dilation makes my muscles spasm! I've always been very squeamish and suggestible but I'm thinking of trying to use that to my advantage. I've got to try to use the power of the mind to work for good and not for pain.

So after a grim day yesterday I've been taking things even more gently and trying breathing exercises and visualisation today (day 18 since the botox). I got a few ideas here:
http://diyhealth.com/7-best-exercises-e ... ssure.html

I didn't even try to go into work today and they are arranging for me to work from home which is a big step. The pain was bad today but I just took to my bed and rode it out. Moving around is so difficult when the pain kicks in. I was just about able to sit down by lunch time but am doing my best to stand and lie down as much as possible. And keep doing the breathing...

Day 19 - no change

No progress really. The pain after my BM was such that I couldn't sit or walk and lasted for about 5 hours. Trying to get an appointment with the consultant because I'm not due for a follow up for six weeks and that seems like an eternity.

So sorry to hear that the pain is not abating sooner...are you taking softeners? Do you take ibuprofen before your BMs? Do you use potty positioning techniques?

As ouchie said in an earlier post...keep up the fight. We all heal at different rates so don't judge your progress based on other people's experiences.

Im glad to hear that you are trying to meet the consultant -- it will be good to get some answers/perspective from them.

Sending you lots of strength and virtual hugs and support.

canadabum

Thanks so much for your message CB! Really means a lot. Such dreadful, continual pain makes you feel really desperate and alone so words of kindness and hope are very welcome. Still trying to get an appointment with the consultant but keep being transferred to an answering machine and no one calls me back...

If Botox is supposed to make things better, it's not doing a very good job. I was told that the next step for me was Botox -"doesn't hurt", the consultant said, but I think I'll take a bit longer to think about it now. So sorry you are having to go through this pain. Hope you get through to that consultant, and give him/her a piece of your mind. My own pain reduced very slightly this evening, but it's still there, waiting for its cue. This pain is such a wasteful thing, it can consume whole days on end.

Dave

I know what you mean about consuming days - such a waste of your life isn't it? I think botox works sometimes, I just wasn't one of the lucky ones. Hope you have a better day tomorrow, Dave.