Oh my life GG Hun
So are you actually having diarrhoea come out round the solid bit you can manage to move, if so then I think it may be time to admit defeat and just go to the hospital instead of waiting for the surgeon to call you back, especially if you can feel it.
I think your right Hun that once this is removed you will feel so much better and can stop taking the stool softener so get back to normal ish BMs
Hope something gets sorted for you soon

Sending virtual hugs. Yes, you need to go and be taken care of. oxo

I'm going to try and wait until my appointment tomorrow, at least then if the surgeon sends me straight to emergency she can fast track things for me. It may mean the night in the hospital, her assistant said they will likely give me iv laxative and painkiller that will have me there for a while.

I'm going to keep using the glycerin suppositories in the meantime, try to go when I feel up to it, and hope that it resolves itself before tomorrow.

Emotionally, I think going in will be too hard for me right now. The thought of the place makes me feel sick, and I have not always been treated well there. If my surgeon says I have to go, then the decision is made and she will likely be in contact with the on call er doctor.

It's also incredibly hard on my father to take me - I know he would take me no questions asked. But 15 years ago my younger brother died of cancer and my dad has ptsd, the hospital is a major trigger for him, last time we were there he was shaking the entire time but would not leave me to come pick up later. It's really hard for me to put him through that. And unfortunately he's the only one who can take me - my mom doesn't drive and is at a government course for work that she can't miss.

Maybe I'm making the wrong decision, but I'll just have to deal with the consequences if it is.

Mamafizz you're right in that the pain is difficult, but emotionally this is even worse. I feel like I'm going to need some therapy for a while to get my old self back, it's that long gone.

Thank you all so much for your support, it helps more than you know

GG, I understand your personal situation is very difficult right now, but you are taking a huge risk by not going to hospital today. The obstruction is not going to clear up by itself at this stage. The sooner the doctors can attend to you, the lesser the chance of a more complicated situation happening. Please consider going in today, it'll be terribly difficult but worth it to get things cleared up inside.

That must be awful for your dad and you too Hun.
Really hope it manages to move itself out for you today and your not left with it in there overnight
Super good luck for tomorrow though and I hope by then your clear, and don't need to stay in
Yes this can be a very traumatic experience nothing in my life including bereavement has affected me as much as this fissure. We do come out the other side though Hun if you need help to do so then make sure your doc gives you that help

GG,t hopefully your doctor will help you take care of it, so you don't have to endure the ER and yet another doctor with a different treatment or meds again.. your poor system has been through the mill and trying to recover, luckily you are young and healthy. Sometimes the internal Hems and the other muscles interfere even though the sphincter is looser, it's such a trial and error. But with each passing day surely you are healing, just can't tell yet.
Thinking of you today and prayers this goes a lot smoother for you from here on out!

Thanks guys.

I really appreciate the advice. It was a hard decision not to go to emergency today, but my stomach is calmer and although there is lots of rectal pressure, the pain is manageable when lying down. I even managed to g et the suppository in without too much trouble. Hoping it will come, doubting it will, but I have the appointment tomorrow.

I did some research and found a good journal article talking about what is done when there is a blockage post ano-rectal operation - I guess it is not uncommon. It seems as though the procedure generally is to give a local anesthetic or put you to sleep and then remove it manually. Not a treat for the doctor or nurse, but it sounds as though it can be done without too much pain for me. Will bring the article to the appointment tomorrow and suggest it - maybe I can avoid the administration of a strong laxative.

GG one quick inspirational thing... for some reason this has been not only brought physical sufering but also has wreaked emotional havoc as well. I just couldn't understand but honestly one is driving the other. The key for me and maybe for others is, we have to be a lot kinder to our selves. We struggle so hard to be well and for me I think this is what delayed my healing. Not wanting to let anyone down and all of the things we are rushing to accomplish and pushing so hard. The pain is not a punishment but really a kind reminder for us to take of our selves. I have never cried so long or so hard. So many things go through our heads, I am taking care of my elderly parents, they live with us, my father is blind, all of my six children and grandchildren need me. I was always the go to. I am sure everyone with this can relate to some degree. But the answers are coming and the most important one is Your body will heal when it's ready to heal, your mind and emotions will also come through it is kind of a dark night of the soul for a bit, but the outcome will be a whole new you. I still can't believe I am going through this, it's a very odd thing to me I suppose because I never heard of it or could have possibly planned for it. Who can plan for a fissure?!haha but we will be the better for it and it may lead us all in a new direction that we would have not otherwise known to go.... So we all will recover in all ways physically mentally and emotionally and it is just about being kind to ourselves. When we forget to do that we place the burden too heavy on ourselves. I pray everyone has a peaceful day. Bliss is on the horizon!!!! It's worth waiting for:)

Mamafizz- I am thanking you for this as I identify 100%. I have similar circumstances and I am the caregiver for all and I feel as I am letting each person in my world down. Yet this is my second surgery in three mos and a follow to pushign out babies 25 years ago and not getting adequate care then. I apologize and I am embarrassed to talk about what "my problem" is. Thank-you for sharing those generous words with all of us.

Zinnia!! and all...We Have Been to the River!!!..also thought I would share this...

The story is called “Jumping Mouse.” It’s about an ordinary mouse who can’t stop hearing the call of the rushing river (which symbolizes spirit or source). Little Mouse heads off on a journey to awakening. As it begins, a frog appears and insists that to follow his yearning, Mouse must jump. He must jump very, very high. After a few hesitant tries, Mouse puts all his tiny strength into one huge jump. He falls down into the sacred river, which terrifies him, but the magic has happened—at the highest point of his highest jump, he has seen the mountains of his soul’s home, where the still lake of spirit waits to show him his true self.
After that, Mouse gets a new name: Jumping Mouse. He no longer moves by creeping and crawling. He bounds along, leap after leap. (There actually is a species of mouse that gets around this way).
The point—everything that happens to Jumping Mouse has a point—is that once we’ve set out in search of Home, we can’t move by creeping and crawling any more. We can’t tiptoe, keep our profiles low, avoid exposure. Life becomes one leap of faith after another.
This is not an easy way to live. Jumping Mouse doesn’t have an ordinary mouse life. He has adventures that terrify and injure him. But along the way, he encounters and integrates great realizations, unusual friendships, deep wisdom, and finally his true self. Have you been to the river? Have you begun to live by leaping? If not, start now. Leap at the next chance that speaks to your heart. One leap of faith at a time, we’ll all get Home at last.