Hi Fernie,
Sorry for all the mess. I do remember that expression of eyeballing the fissure, somewhere in all the research that I have done, but cannot for the life of me remember what the hell it means!!
My sphincter is very tight too (never, in my wildest nightmares, did I imagine that me and my anus would become such 'close' friends
). I know it's tight, as it is so painful, and was told so many times on ob/gyn visits, and always thought it to be such a good thing. I know better now...
Don't know how you feel about it, but take a look at the Self-Dilation link under the General Anal Fissure Discussion, and also have a look at wecc in the memberlist and see his tale. I am dilating (very very slowly with an extremely small dilator), every other day. I cannot have surgery, and feel that this is the road.
When I first joined the forum, I don't think that I had put my finger near the forbidden city of my bum! Now, I massage, and so on and so forth. I am not in quite so much pain as before, though it is a terribly slow road.
Feel free to vent! That is what we all do, and who better to share it with than those suffering along with you, so to speak.