My sweet Lecia, you made me cry because it is exactly how it is this school year with me. I didn't have a chance to go to pick up my younger daughter even ONCE, and that concert was first thing I saw at her school. I didn't attend any of events or met any of the teachers or parents - my husband and my older daughter alternatively take her home from school. She can't even invite her friends over because I am like this - always half alive, I felt embarrassed to talk about my problem down there and avoided neighbors and occasional parent that would come to pick-up my daughter for day out. I can only imagine what they think and talk because they never met me. My daughter told everybody that Mom has some "intestinal" problems . Now, my fissure is well but I am so much in pain, can't turn my head -so can't drive still. because of the pain I am not in a mood for chit-chat with strangers and so the pattern continues. I often cry thinking of the future - remembering all fun stuff I did with my older one when she was her age and wondering how is my younger one to remember me as a completely different person. Would I be able to ever go shopping with her for her prom dress one day, make her hair for High School dances, make lavish dinners for Holidays , invite people . I look at my garden dying lace where I spent hours and hours "painting with flowers", each picked by hand and nursed with love until magnificent spring show would appear and make others slow down and look and take a deep breath in. Some would just gaze , some would take pictures , it made me so happy to see that my work make others happy for a moment too. Now weeds are sprouting and my perennials call me with their sad heads to prune them and mulch, put them to sleep through rough winter. I refuse to hire help because it would show my official acceptance of defeat ...
No, I don't have anybody who has any serious condition around me, so nobody can fathom my despair except my husband, my sister and my kids. As you said for yourself, I also do not look sick at all, so people probably assume that I am getting insane or something or that I am just spoiled to death and can't stand a "little discomfort". No matter how many times I tried to explain pain of a fissure they NEVER got it. All comments would be like " well than just fix it". When I would explain that it is not easy to find good CRS and that you need to have it at least 6 weeks for anybody to even conceder it chronic they would just stare at me. First they all were saying oh no - don't do surgery, no way, try to avoid it at any cost, than now they all say - oh , you see, you should get it done long ago - end so forth - you just give up explaining than. Fibro is even harder for people "to get" - all comments are like - "oh well, my neck hurts too sometimes, but I do stuff", or, "well, you really should start going out or you will go nuts, you now"...well thanks : (.
You are absolutely right - people do get tiered hearing about once bad health and I also think subconsciously are afraid to stay around so it "wont rub off" or something. And yes, it is also easier for them to blame us for our illness because if there is no reason than it can also happen to them and it scares them. So, we have this because we either want it, or deserve it in some way.
Thank you my dear friend for sharing your thoughts with me. You see, sometimes people miles away are closer to us than our neighbors. When I talk to you and other great people here I can feel your presence in my heart - and that is a plenty ........
L U :arwen: