Hi there, hurt my shoulder (as if my bum wasn't enough to try my patience) at the weekend when tripped up stairs...take me a few days to get back my typing skills, as am one finger bound today! Will be back!!! for the hug, and one back to you.

Hi jr2! 
Have been recovering with my shoulder and have to type one finger, but have started with the dilation. I have been using a 9mm dilator, but even that was difficult a week ago. Yesterday was the first time that insertion was easier, and left it there for 6 minutes.
I am using a lubricant by the name of Soothe from intimateorganics, while I wait for some Sliquid (USDA Organic) to arrive.
Am waiting for more dilators to arrive, and going mm by mm. Expensive, but just want it to work, as like you am not a candidate for surgery. Will keep reporting my progress. Big hug!!
With hope! 

I am hoping that those who have dropped off this list augers well, and that the self dilating has put them on that right road.
I am still working on the smallest dilator,  and staying at every other day. Got my Sliquid, and now waiting for the next lot of dilators. 
I feel happier about doing it this way, and just hope it all works out. Also, am eating a little more, which does not always work out well, but am keeping it up. Bleeding is definitely less on the TP too, but don't want to get too confident, as nothing like whatever this is to come back and hit you in the face for saying things are better!   
Will post every so often with progress. Good healing to any of you that pop in. That is the best that can wish for all. 

Hi Savaici,
I'm still here :)
I took a break for awhile with the self dilation using a dilator.. I just got tired of the whole procedure. Every day I still massage and dilate with a finger, which I think is pretty close to the 15 mm dilator, although i do have skinny fingers. But I'm going to have to re commit to increasing the dilation size, because 15 mm is still not enough to keep things healed. I wish I could find a source that steps up the sizes more incrementally. It goes from 15 mm to 18 mm, which doesn't sound like that much until i try it. The pediatric dilators i've been able to find have 1 mm increments, but the sizes don't go up high enough. Do the dilators you ordered have smaller incremental changes in size?
I'm still hoping for this to work, since I reallyhave no other options at this point.
Please do keep popping in. I will too.
I hope your shoulder is better too!

Hi there fellow-dilator !!
Did I ever dream that I would have to search the web for dilators? Not even in my worst nightmare...
I too have become stumped on the next size up from 14mm (10-14mm on the way, mm increments). I see that they do go up in mm increments from there to 19mm ( ), but no availability except on prescription? I am keeping my eye on whether they come up on the web though, and looking possibly to plan B - asking my GP to write a prescription, though I will put that on the back burner for now...
Shoulder is recovered. Will watch even more how I approach the stairs. One foot at a time
So glad you are still here!

i'm so glad you are here too :) we seem to be the last two standing in the dilation group :)
also glad your shoulder is better! stairs are treacherous things!
i thought i had seen those dilators somewhere but it looks like my link they only go up to 13 mm, though they do say custom sizes can be made?
http://www.betterlivingnow.com/products/proddetail.cfm?ndc=99407001313

  
Still stuck on 9mm, but the different sizes will soon arrive so that I can begin going up, mm by mm. 
Today was not as well as it could have been, but I have a flare-up of my Behcet's, which is never good. Pain and spasms and even coccyx pain for the first time in ages. Not a good day, generally. However, tomorrow is another day. 
I have been dilating every other day Mon-Fri, and taking the weekend off. I manage fairly easily to insert and leave the dilator there for six minutes. Since I started, I have had very few moments where there has been blood on anything, and another change of sensation (except for today) is no sense of fullness and pain when I take a shower. And no real spasms that go on for hours after a BM. I don't want to jinx anything, just tell the facts. 
I take a Sitz bath after a BM (always have two, mornings), but do not sit for long (five minutes tops).  Likewise, I don't sit on the loo reading. Still have problems with 'residual' BM, but hope that that will gradually clear up as the size of the dilator increases. I use Johnson & Johnson Sterile Gauze Pads which I wet and dab (after first using damp Cottonelle paper to dab), and find them very good. NEVER rub, ever!! Also find that a tiny bit of gentle massage, for less than a minute, helps for relaxation of the sphincter. Want also to investigate meditation to see if that will help. 
I am using Sliquid, the thicker one, and finding it very good. I see that KY has got on the band wagon, with gel that has Aloe and Vitamin E... I tried using olive oil but found it not as good for me. I tested the Sliquid on my palm for six minutes to make sure it would stay moist, and it does. I plan to get some pure Vitamin E and some Aloe. 
I have also managed to get out a bit more; a tiny bit of food shopping late afternoons, and trips to the library. After being home nearly constantly for almost two years, this is an advance for me. 
Going really slowly. This is my only option - dilating - so I plan to stay slow and easy. So far, it is the only thing that has given me even the slightest improvement

 

Savaici,
wow, this is really really great to read your update. I think hearing you are getting out is the best news! really an indication that at least you're going in the right direction.
I stopped doing the baths and stopped using heat altogether as it seemed it was just drying my skin out. The dilation works better for me to get that muscle to let go. Meditation is essential for me with a focus on deep abdominal breathing which relaxes all the muscles in the pelvic floor.
After using the bathroom i also use Cottonelle that i moisten with water. Yes, no rubbing! Then I use some liquid organic aloe vera (Aubrey Organics), then I use my Sweet Blessed Bee Magic which is so soothing. This is the same cream I use for dilating which works really well for me.
I also gently massage a couple of times per day and I do think it helps to get things more relaxed.
This thread is important, I think, because there are those of us who aren't candidates for surgery for one reason or another, and while it takes a huge amount of devotion, time, patience and experimentation, for some of us it is our only option.

Well, have graduated to 11mm! Have been doing the gradual number, and this one will stick on for two weeks. Have had a few times where there has been a little blood, but most of the days have been blood free. It is up and down with the relief. Today is a good day. I am going to persevere!
I think the most difficult part of this so far is the 'balancing' act to actually use the dilator, but I think I have it pat now. I go with six minutes after insertion and I lie on my side. It is painful, but not for long.
I am using my Sliquid, which I've found to be best. I have some of the Sweet Blessed Bee which did not work out for me, so am using Motherlove Nipple Cream to soothe afterwards. It is USDA organic. Also got aloe vera, but did not agree with me, so I am using that on other parts of my skin instead. The amount of money I have spent on this fissure and my rear end!!! :roll:
This is where things stand for me right now. An improvement, but not there yet. Hope all is well with you, jr2, as we soldier on!

Hi savaici!
So glad to hear you "graduated" up to a new size! It sounds like you've got a technique and products that are working well for you. That's the biggest challenge, isn't it.
I'm still holding at 15 mm. I do think it makes some difference in pain overall, though like you, some days are worse than others. I had a bad stomach bug, and with all my digestive troubles normally present anyway, it takes me forever when I get a virus or something to get back to a baseline (albeit an abnormal baseline).
I hear you about the money. I had to stock back up on the essentials today. Yikes! And I probably am going to have to order the 16 and 17 mm, because it's just too uncomfortable to go from 15 to 18 mm.
Thanks for your update!
onward we go