Aw, j -
Thank you, so much. Your words of support brought tears to my eyes (good tears, not like the tears I had last night). I'm sending you a big hug back!!
I'm really trying to keep it together here - but boy, oh boy, it's been tough. Today I'm not quite in the crying, "shoot me" pain I was in last night - but I never know if that pain will come back (I worry that it will) . . . and even though I'm NOT in that kind of pain today, I have a dull, hot soreness and pain in the fanny muscles. I'm trying very hard to ignore it.
What I've found out with these doctors is that every one of them seems to have a different opinion and approach. That first crs I had (who never saw my AFs) even examined me in a very different way from the second crs. So, I feel like I need the third crs to give me his own perspective of the situation.
I know I'm not alone - and it really is a godsend to be able to come here and vent (and also offer support to others) - but in my own little corner of the world, I'm kinda feeling alone in this mess . . .

reckless -
Please be careful with that. I know that I, myself, would never feel confident enough to try something like that, because I'm not familiar with the anatomy in a medical way, nor would I be able to know just how that could be properly done . . .
That said, I wish you well and hope that we can ALL feel better, very soon.

Sweet...
that's what makes fissures particularly stressful to deal with. You never do know what any day or any visit to the bathroom is going to bring. So even on a day when you think you can handle the level of pain you're in right now there's always the threat of the ax falling again.
And ultimately while suffering is something we can offer empathy for to others, the path of our suffering is uniquely our own and so there is an element of isolation that is associated with it. And we are all different... With different perceptions, different ways of coping, different experiences of pain unique only to us. So in that sense we all are alone in our little corner of the world.
Thankfully though we can offer compassion, love and comfort to one another... and also be open to receiving from one another too... It helps give us all strength for that next step we decide to take in the long journey to healing.

j -
So true - and I really pray for and thank God for the caring people on this forum. That's one thing about this forum that I've noticed - everyone is nice. No one is trying to hurt anyone else or say nasty things. Everyone is sympathetic, because we all know how awful this condition is.
Ah, yes, the next step . . . I just want this to all be over, just like the rest of us do, too.

I will be careful!
I can put one finger in easily. I think starting off with 1" should be fine.
There was another website that said a diameter of 27-30mm should be used for anal fissures. I just measured 2" on a measuring tape, yikes!
I don't know how anyone can put something that big in them. It's the same as all 4 fingers on your hand, only it's all around. I won't be going anywhere near that size.
I'm going through this route because the CRS I saw said 'you're not tight I can get my finger in'.
That's only one finger you moron. Why can't I ever pass wind silently? It must be because my sphincter is tight.
All I know is that when my bowels are completely full, i.e. I really need to go, I feel myself being stretched inside and I can sit without any pain. I'm hoping with these dilators I can make the stretch permanent.

Well, I'd be interested to know if they work . . .
I just looked at my ruler, and it seems that 27-33mm is about the size of a reasonably sized BM . . . So, if an average, not-too-big BM is that size, more or less - and assuming there was no constipation involved, would a BM that size help to keep things kinda limber inside?
I'm wondering about that, because there's one website of a blog that was run by a surgeon who performed LIS. He said that an ideal BM would be bulky enough to gently stretch the anus, but soft enough to pass through.
TMI, I know - but that's what I read. So, with regard to your dilators, I'm wondering if there's a method there - a certain length of time that one would apply one . . . ?
At any rate, please be careful and let us know how you do . . .

My bowel movements do not feel natural. It's like the sphincter will not open up fully. It feels like the stool is only coming out of the back part of the sphincter, the 6 o clock position. It doesn't come out at 12 o clock at all. But if I pass a big stool it is forced to come out at the 12 o clock position as well. When this does happen I feel a lot of tension being released (because the sphincter is being stretched) and also a stinging sensation.
I think you just put it in for a couple of minutes to begin with and then build up the time gradually and then on to the next size.

I read that Dr. Sohn (the guy who invented standardized anal dilation) would dilate for 6 minutes.
I read it on this forum under a topic called 'anal dilation'.
That I guess is what you could work up to?
You are very brave reckless!
-woi

I'm just fed up of this, I can't sit, I can't work.
I need my life back.

Me, too.
Last night I told my husband to just get rid of me. (He thinks I'll eventually get better . . . I hope he's right!)