Hey everyone,
I am so fed up with this situation. I have been crying all afternoon. I talked to my husband and best friend. Although they are good listeners, they don't understand my situation.
I had 2 BM's today. The first one was ok. No bleeding, minimal spasms and no pain (this has been pretty much the norm since Feb 9th, which was the date of my last setback). My second BM was slightly uncomfortable. When I was done, I looked in a mirror and didn't notice a tear, but half my anus was so irritated and swollen - it looked like it was 5 times its normal size. The sweling has since stopped. I am not sure if this was even a setback - just something that really upset me.
I don't know how much longer I can deal with this mentally. I know there are others out there in more pain than me - but I am mentally drained. My whole family is! This has taken over my life. I have been using the nifedipine for 6 weeks - you would think that would take care of it. Should I just stop using the nifedipine? At this point, I really don't think it is helping. Anyone have any success with botox besides butburngirl?
Thanks for listening. I am just so depressed today. I feel like I will never be better and I am going to be plagued with this for life.
Jen

Hi Jen,
As long as you don't have any pain - I don't see why you would be so depressed ? Who cares how little hole looks like if it is not hurting ?? Nefidapine is obviously working since you do not have spasms and you feel much better since you started using it. maybe you should read your first posts to see the progress , I know it helped me with LIS recovery (to compare first weeks with later ones).
Aren't you taking antidepressant ??? Maybe it is not working well enough for you : (, maybe there are other issues that also bother you to the point that this now minor discomfort with fissure is driving you nuts???
Hope that you will find some comfort soon and don't focus to minor changes down there since they will happen on regular bases till fissure is gone. Even after Botox there will be some "changes" there - less control of gas, or hemorrhoid irritation, or lingering pain from needle punctures, etc.
I really feel sorry that you are feeling down, but your fissure is doing so well ( you had no pain during BM !!!!!), I don't see why are you not celebrating but crying ? : (((
Please take care and try to relax !!!

Jen, I thought the nefedipine wasn't helping me, either, but when I stopped things got even worse. So be careful there...
It is very important to just do your best to focus on the good things, remember this is not a life threatening condition(though a life-changing one) and try different approaches to pain management. Back when I had migraines and no real, effective meds were available for the pain, I found that playing the piano or even a video game at least took my mind off the pain, and in a sense, made it "go away."

UPDATE: It's official, I retore my fissure. I knew there was a reason for the pain with my second BM today. I did not have pain with my first, but had pain with my second BM. It just did not bleed when it tore...weird huh?
I stopped my zoloft after only a week of taking it. I am better out without it. I was having some awful side effects.
I am sorry I am bothering everyone with my rants. I am just so tired of all of this and my friends and family don't understand. After dealing with this for a year, I am ready for an ending soon.

Rant away! Everyone on here knows and understands how this takes over your life. I had it for 7 months and just wanted to die at one point. Its exhausting, frustrating and depressing. Hang in there. It WILL get better.
Are you thinking of trying surgery? I know you cant get time off to have it, but the recovery time isnt that long and it would get rid of it for good. I put off having it done, simply because I was terrified but now I'm healed,(knock on wood)and I regret not doing the LIS sooner!

I would ask the doctor about the swelling. I wonder if you have hemorrhoids. I am glad that you aren't in tremedous pain though. How do you know you retore your fissure? I wonder if you did since there is no blood. So that is a good sign.

I would ask the doctor about the swelling though. I know it is hard to find the time when you are in school full time with a toddler and your husband is in Iraq. But your health needs to come first. If anything is making you cry all day you should really have it seen about.

Hope you feel better fast!

That's tough. I really sympathize. I took have cried all day at times because of these things, espceially after doing well and then retearing. It seems so hopeless sometimes. I actually found the best treatment for my mood and to help me cope with the pain was acupunture... and not looking. sometimes it's better just not to look, at least until you get used to the idea that your rear proabably won't be looking normal for a long time.
I had some successs with botox. It did help the healing but it also really aggrivated a hemmie and gave me intense burning in the area for about 3 mos. I didn't go back for a second shot. I am much happier with the LIS, so far (knock on wood). It's only day four but the worst pain I have had is a kind of muscle soreness. I can tell the fissure is still there, but it doesn't hurt.
take some ibuprofen and a couple magnesium supplements. that should help with the swelling and the pain and then treat yourself to something. you deserve it after your rough day. I discovered a whole new world of teas in attempt to make myself feel better. They're dellicious, warm and some are even good for the rear.

Well, I made an appointment with the CRS for next Monday. I just want to bring up the swelling issue and some of these weird burning sensations I have. I know she is going to ask about LIS, and I still don't have an answer for her. Even though I did have a slight tare yesterday, I get this false sense of reality that I am going to naturally heal. This happens all the time. My fissure acts up, I get upset, the pain goes away, and I think I am healed. It does'nt help much that whenever I see my CRS, my fissure is closed, and besides a little scar tissue, I look alright.
I just want my life back again. All you LIS patients seem so happy...

I know, don't they though just seem so happy? It took me a long time to decide to have hemorrhoid surgery and although I am still healing I don't regret it. (at least not yet!)

I would ask your doctor about LIS and subsequent pregnancies and deliveries and get his take on that.

Have you had some kind of anal pain since your baby was born?

Do you go on base for your health care?

Lecia - I am glad your happy with your surgery choice so far - despite your recovery time. You are a trooper and will be pain free soon! :D
I go to the base for my medical care normally. They are actually the ones who misdiagnosed me for a year. They kept telling me I had hemmies...I go off-base for my CRS. They do not have a CRS on base. I found a clinic in town that deals with colorectal health, and I am going to try to go there for another opinion....do you think that is a good idea?
I already talked to my CRS about pregnancy and LIS. She said it was completely fine. She also said a vaginal delivery would be ok. However, I am not ok with that and I will find an OB doc who is willing to do a C-section in the future. Has anyone else talked to a CRS about future pregnancies after LIS?
I have had anal pain since my son's birth. It has changed so much. I think I had hemmies & fissure at first, then just hemmies, and now another fissure. The pain is constanly changing every few months it seems. I am really concerned about this anal swelling right now. It was so strange.