hi juney,
i too in my going into the fourth year felt desperate and hopeless and just out of options despite not having even considered the LIS just knowing that wasn't what i wanted to do.
i hope the wellbutrin is working and i am currently taking a muscle relaxant (for an auto accident almost three years ago). i had read about it - cyclobenzaprine - and wonder if anyone else has tried it.
like you, i had the pain tango and i would have some very good days, some good days, and then it seemed like a setback with pain mostly that would just erase any good days i had.
the good thing from what i remember, is that you rarely had good days so it is refreshing to read that you can state that and that perhaps you are getting to the top of that hill where pretty soon you will be over the worst, and you will have easy coasting in the future.
i've gained like 15 pounds working at my new job and thus has taken me away from this board for the last six months...now that my conference is over, i have to work on working off those 15 pounds.
i desperately want to go back to macrobiotics.

yah, happy, now that i'm finishing the 3rd year of pain from this, i'm more hopeless than ever. it has literally ruined my life and now that it's been so long, i don't see myself bouncing back from this.
the wellbutrin doesn't seem to be helping, but then i've only been on the double-dose for 2 weeks now...i know i have to give it more time.
my a** is so sore. i have a few good days here and there and then something out of the blue ruins it (and the most frustrating thing is i have NO IDEA what!!!!) i do everything right, eat everything right, take such good care of myself and nothing i do has ever made a difference. it's so frustrating.

Oh, Gareth, back on the weight-gain/loss yo-yo? Some things never change!

Maybe you can take heart in Happy's long-term hell and know that you aren't the only one who has endured such pain for such a long length of time, Juney. I hope the extra Wellbutrin can have an impact.
I wonder if perhaps (and this is just taking a wild guess) your transit time for food is slower than normal and perhaps it was food two days prior to the BM that could be causing the disturbances...though you do say you are extra careful... but just a suggestion to think a bit further back in time for sources if you aren't already!

juney wrote: i have a few good days here and there and then something out of the blue ruins it (and the most frustrating thing is i have NO IDEA what!!!!) i do everything right, eat everything right, take such good care of myself and nothing i do has ever made a difference. it's so frustrating.

That is so frustrating Juney and something we can relate to... I feel for you sweetie
Corsi

the only upsetting thing is that i've had 3 surgeries and happy ultimately didn't need any. there's just something wrong with my body and i'll have to deal w/ this forever i suppose. i'm not counting on the new dr to offer any answers in july, but we'll see. i don't even want to go, i know he'll just rip me a new one.
and kim, i'm sooooooooooooo sick of monitoring/obsessing about/worrying/watching everything i eat. i've been doing that for almost 3 years now, lost 20 lbs on an already slim frame since then, and still never healed. my obsession with food is almost more problematic than my a** pain at this point, so i don't think overanalyzing everything even more will help. maybe for people who are just starting out that's key, but my diet is so limited as a result of this that i know it's nothing i'm eating. SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Oh, Juney! Yes, you are diet obsessed...just hate that you have pain so often and wanted to suggest something, but I agree, at some point you have to just eat what you think is best and leave the rest to your body.
I hate that you have gotten so thin, but I do hope that the B/P thing is over and you are retaining what you do eat.
We are all thinking of you and just know as our most hardcore non-healer, your time will come,
someone...
somewhere...
will have a lightbulb moment and you will find your path to life without butt pain!

thanks kim. you're an amazing source of support for this group.

hang in their juney. i have had set backs too. it can be so frustrating. but the body has a miraculous way of healing itself. i have been meditating more, doing yoga more, eating the same ol and while i still have bad days, i make sure i have room for the good ones.
all my best!
erik

big hugs to you juney.
please don't think there is something wrong with your body. your body is working as it should be.
everything will come together for you.

thanks eric and gareth. you guys are great. unfortunately it's not just little "setbacks" for me, it's pretty much the norm. having good days/weeks is rare. today is excruciatingly painful and it's really worrying me. i feel like my anal canal is completely swollen and it hurts when i walk, sit, stand, everything.... i'm at work and i don't know how i'll make it thru the day. my mom is at home calling every CRS in the area. we're going to try and schedule as many appts as possible. SOMEONE has to be able to help me. i havent' seen enough drs to give up, even though that's what i want to do. why have i never healed?! what is wrong with me!? can this go on forever?? i haven't been able to stop crying for the past 4 days