i'm freaking out as usual. this new feeling is constant the past 4 days and very disturbing. in addition to the old pain i've always felt, this is just too much.
BMs are same old painful ripping feeling. they've been softer lately b/c i'm eating only fruit and fiber and taking lots of supplements and miralax.

Juney - I am sorry to hear that :( !!! Are you sure those are spasms . Have you ever had spasms before ? I am asking this since spasms are usually not "stubbing" - they are like dull strong ache that does not let go for long time. But , who knows with butts - maybe it is form of a spasm . Just keep eye for any unusual discharge

Could it be related to your menstrual cycle? I know I get more during . Like Tabby mentions, she recommends evening primrose oil which helps me too. I also noticed that once I stopped eating a lot of soy products that improved.
Does heat help?

Yes I wonder too, Tootie !
Tell us Juney is it
All of us ladies should take E/P

yes, it is the period week! it started last wednesday and is just finishing now. hopefully that's what it is. i'm gonna "monitor" it the next week or so. thanks for that reminder ladies

Hey Juney,
I've been reading through some of your posts and just wanted to give you some encouragement. I've felt really down with this and I've only been dealing with it for 7 months so I can't begin to imagine how you've coped this long. Hang in there. It can and will get better. I woke up last night dreaming about fissures (talk about a nightmare!) and couldn't go back to sleep. I had to take a deep breath and remind myself that God is the ultimate physician and if He can heal the blind He can surely heal our bottoms! I'm praying for good days ahead for you. :)
By the way, have you tried Manuka Honey? I tried it once and it burned like crazy but they say that is part of the process. Just curious.

things are really bad right now. the pain is bad everyday no matter what the BM is like. it's exactly the same as it has been for 3 years now. i'm taking so many laxatives and softeners and nothing helps. i still rip and bleed at almost every BM and even if i don't feel the tear the pain is horrible for the rest of the day.
i have an appt to remove a hemmorhoid that might be causing swelling and inflammation but i don't have much hope that'll make things better. in fact after all my sh*tty experiences i'm sure it'll make things worse.
i'm so depressed i can barely function. i'm a zombie at my new job and when i'm home i cry all the time. i've been thinking about suicide everyday lately. my dr switched my antidepressants again but i doubt that will help. i'm so exhausted with all of this and i can't imagine the rest of my life this way. i know it could be worse but even thinking that doesn't help b/c this is my life and it sucks. everyday is a neverending nightmare from the minute i wake up. i just want to give up.
i don't think i'm going to check in much anymore. it's too depressing for me hearing about everyone else healing when nothing has worked for me. it's not fair.

I was wondering how you were doing. I am so sorry, sweetie. I know how you feel. I have been in the same boat just crying loads this week wondering if this is my life. If this is as good as it gets and how do I go on and on and even hope for a future. I know how desperate it can be.
What is going on with the hemorrhoid? Is it internal or external. I feel for your situation and think about you every day. I know how you feel about not feeling like coming on here. I feel like especially with the newbies my situation is so long and drawn out that who wants to hear that 2 days after surgery.
But we have to hang on. Let's give ourselves more time okay? I really think you need a general work up to see if you are healthy.
Please pm me if you want my # to talk!

Juney-baby :( :( :( :( , could you please , please come here to see my CRS ??? I wish sooo, sooo much that you see really top CRS and even if you need a surgery you want one that will do it well !!! Please do not do it with any of your previous CRSs - it brakes my heart, really :( :( :( . I completely understand how you feel - maybe my butt is OK but I had so many health issues so far that lasted for 2 years or more as utter pain and hopelessness - I always thought that there is no end but END and than somehow healed , at least to the point of bearable pain . Please don't stop posting , because the day you and baby-Lecia heal and our Val and the rest of boardies will be the day when we all will finally rejoice and feel that there is a justice in this universe !!!! We who are better are no fools to think that butt-pain can not be back at any time or any day!!! Do not find the healing stories discouraging - find them inspirational - as a testimony of hope and possibilities and healing that can happen also any day !!!!! Three years is loooooong time when one is in pain - but imagine 50 with no pain that lay in front of you !!!! Medicine is advancing so fast - every day there is a new breakthrough in every field !!! Just 3 yeas ago we all would be laughing our socks off if somebody would say that people would be getting a Botox in their anuses and not to mention growing hearts "in a dish" or transplanting "faces" !!!!! Just try to concentrate on pain management now - can you go to pain specialist ??? Maybe some meds that Lecia is using can help you (ones that slow down nerve impulses ???). BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT - also , go to the CRS that is really REALLY known in your area !!! Are you in South CA ??? Can you go to UCSD medical center ??? Irvine??? Oh boy - I am so sorry Jueny - but please fight - you are a fighter !!!!!!!! You will beat this stuff -you will see !!!!!! :huggies:Just never give up !!!!

Juney -
I don't know what to say sweetie! I am so sorry you feel this way. I know I tell you this all the time, but you need to get some more opinions. Fissy had 5 CRS look at her alone. I thiink some new eyes would be great on your bum!
The hemmie removal may work wonders for you. Mine made me heal about 50%! My anal canal kept swelling and it would cause my fissure to retare. My RBL really helped improve my fissure - it sounds weird, but it is true! I think my hemmie caused my fissure too. When is your appt?
It makes me so sad to see you this way! This pain will not last forever - look at all the people who heal from illnesses every single day!