Well, it's not often that a hemorrhoid is great news!

So now that I know what it is, how to I make it so it doesn't hurt like the dickens?

If it has a clot in it (thrombosed) that can be removed, which relieves the pain instantly. What did your CRS say?

He said that if he had seen it last week he would have taken a blade to it but for now it should go away on its own. But it still really hurts.

I know, and it is unfortunate and odd that it has suddenly appeared. Try OTC topical anesthetics (your pharmacist can direct you or your CRS can call in lidocaine cream) and preparation H or others like it . As painful as this is it will get better. Here is a great website
http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/775407-overview

So the spams are pretty much non-existent now. But the roid is still making it uncomfortable to sit. Does anyone have any home remedies to make it hurt less? Also I was going through my collection of creams that I have acquired over the last four months and I have Prep H maximum strength, lidocaine, and anusol. Which ones work the best for external hemmys?

Try the anusol and lidocaine together. And a donut to sit on may help - you can get an inflatable one in the drug store.

A donut is helpful for sitting. I think Prep H is worthless; I have used anusol in the past and it was helpful, but I don't think you should use it for more than 10 days. Good luck--I remember how painful that can be!!

Outside hemmis can be extremely painful. Although it is often recommended to "open" and drain them, it can cause a fissure formation , so I would try to make it heal by itself. It is longer process (could take couple of weeks ) but is absolutely possible to heal it without intervention.
Since it is a blood-clot , try to use anti-clotting meds, such as aspirin (Bayer ) or Ibuprofen (might help with inflammation too ).
My Mom sometimes gets that kind of hemmi and she uses White Oak Bark infusion to wash herself and also cool compresses and some natural oils.
Anusol is anti-inflammatory and should help with that part.

Thanks for the advise everyone. I am trying the lidocaine and anusol combination. Still in a considerable amount of pain, but for some reason it is a lot more bearable than the fissure pain (which is almost non-existent now, or masked by the roid pain)
As for my flight on wednesday morning, I just plan on bringing a pillow to sit on and taking some percocets and toughing it out.