Well....Jan 21rst is the date. I don't know how I'll make it another month....but I guess I've already gone 4.5 months. I'm also terrified....absolutely terrified!
I had an appointment with my CRS last Thursday and when he told me I wouldn't be able to get this done before the New Year I had a major meltdown.....I mean major. I told him some days are so bad that when I go to sleep at night I hope I don't wake up in the morning. My husband and baby were with me for the appt. He called over to the other hospital while I was in his office because he wanted me to be seen by a shrink ASAP. What a waste of time it was....I keep telling them that if I had no pain I'd be a heck of a lot better! Of course their answer is always that I have to wait. Anyway, it sounds worse than it actually is....you know how you say things in the heat of the moment. And being stressed out makes the pain so much worse. I will be taking the opportunity to talk with someone once the pain is done since I know I have to emotionally deal with the issues I have surrounding not being a good mother. This has stolen the joy out of being a first-time mom. This is not how I imagined the first 6 months of motherhood.....
I am happy to report that the spasms seem to be decreasing in length. They seem to come about 2 hours after a BM and last for about 3-4 hours down from 6-8 hours. I stopped taking MOM because it was making things way to mushy....not good. I've also eaten a bit more in the last few days.
Are there any other moms on the board who have had the surgery after a vaginal birth? My CRS has made me aware that I'm at higher risk of incontinence being female and have had a vaginal birth....this is why I'm so terrified. Basically he told me the risk of being incontinent to stool is uncommon but incontinence to gas is common. The later I can handle no problem.
Sorry this was so long. I hope everyone has a lovely holiday season!!
Tamara

hi newmom,
well i haven't had the surgery but i know that i would be scared too!!!!!
however, many people who have had it here would do it again in a heartbeat!
i wouldn't be surprised if your body starts to behave better with you to the point right before your surgery date you feel almost cured! many have fallen to that trick but once the surgery date is gone, the pain comes right back!!!!
anyway, if incontinence about gas is your only problem, be my guest and blow some wind whenever you want!
hang in there....yes you will have ups and downs but 1/21 will get here soon enough.
and p.s. i may not know what your issues are re: being not a good mother - but how could you with this horrible pain....so i am fully confident that you would be and are an outstanding and loving mom.

Tamara -
January is just right around the corner. I know it seams like forever with a fissure, but your time will come. It is understandable that you are scared, but you will make it!
I had a vaginal delivery and LIS afterwards and trust me - I don't think it makes a difference in our case. If your bum is tight enough to have a severe chronic fissure, then chances are you will not suffer incontinence. Actually, your docor is just telling you that because he has to for legal reasons. Doctors just need to have there backs covered. I am in the medical field and I worked with a doctor once who told me I HAD to tell the patients that there was a possibility they could die from an allergic reaction before I numbed a finger with lidocaine prior to sutures. My CRS was so confident that I would not go incontinent that he promised me I wouldn't and Doc NEVER make promises. I guess he was just that sure of himself.
Your going to be alright! So many people get this surgery everyday. You will get your life back!
Good luck! I am here if you have questions!
Jen

Tamara,
Could you try Botox injections b/4 having LIS since you are so fearing of the operation? Maybe an anti-depressant might help you also. Your situation is not hopeless!!
Cheryl
:nevergive:

Hi Tamara
January really is just round the corner - Good for you for taking control..
I am so sorry that you were treated like some kind of mad woman it makes me sad to read that you feel you are not a good mother
I totally understand what this pain can do to ones state of mind – this isn’t your fault sweetie and you are going to get through this for sure - you will see
You have tried the botox already and that hasn’t helped then LIS is the only option left -
Please don’t be scared we will be here for you …
Again I will say I have not seen one case of incontinence on this board yet !
I hope these holiday times will be good to you Tamara
Vaginal births and LIS can contribute to a higher risk of incontinence – Jen ??
I have read women who have had episiotomy and vaginal tears on delivery have a higher chance of incontinence with LIS ?? anyone ??

I would not be too worried about the surgery, but thankful and ready to get this fissure in the past as a memory!
Great that your spasms are decreasing, but that's still a long time each day, about like I had it and that was terrible enough!
Good luck on the 21st!

My heart goes out to you. It is so scary when you feel like you can't take care of your baby like you should and that you feel like you have to fight to get people to realize it is the pain talking and not the "depression". I have had a doctor even say that I am addicted to my pain. Talk about a whackjob.
There is an article on the forum under references about how women are more likely to have problems with incontinence after a delivery than LIS. would think since your bottom handled it that it will be fine after LIS and it is such a rare occurence that I would be willing to take that risk over living with this condition longer than I had to.

I just wanted to second what Lecia wrote. I think since your butt handled a vaginal delivery, your situation will be ok.
What kind of tare did you have? There are different degrees of tares. I had a second degree tare which does not involve the rectum at all.
I plan on having more children hopefully. I will request a c-section because now that I have had LIS, I personally believe I would be at higher risk of incontinence with other delieveries. All the CRS's I have seen said this is not true, but you can never be too careful.

Thank You all so much for the replies!
Lecia you are so right....it is the pain talking and not the "depression", I tried to make them understand that. I'm not knocking any kind of psychiatric help but it was a waste of my time at this point.....basically the lady just sat there and said un-huh....thanks for the help! UGH!
Jen I also had a second degree tear and I think that 3-4 degree tears are the ones more at risk for incontinence. But at this point I don't really see any other options.....I've been on Nitro, Nifedipine, 2 shots of botox (that actually seemed to worsen the problem???) Now I just try and nap through the worst 2 hours and that seems to help alot. I also didn't get the fissure in actual childbirth (I don't know if that makes a difference) and I can remember the BM that I got the fissure with.....I forced it out without realizing the consequences. What a terrible mistake that was and it was the exact same situation with the first fissure I ever had. I was so lucky the first time....it went away about as fast as it came, why can't that happen this time.
Not feeling like a good mother is the worst feeling, I just feel I don't deserve this (not that anyone does). I had a miscarriage before this baby and a very difficult pregnancy and now this....I feel like I've royally pissed off the Gods somehow. Anyway enough of my pity party....I've actually been feeling better the last few days!
Another question.....it seems like the days I have bleeding the spasms are not very bad at all? Does anyone know why that would be?
Happy Holidays to all and your families!!!

Hi Tamara,
I had two vaginal deliveries - the first time with a tear the second time with an episiotomy and I had LIS with no incontinence. Please dont worry about the LIS it will be a breeze in comparison to the pain you are going through now- those spasms are the worst pain ever - i wanted to die when i had them too. Dont think you're a bad mother - this isnt your fault and the pain is bad enough to deal with - you dont need a load of unnecessary guilt to deal with too- be nice to yourself!
Best of luck on the 21st!