Hello everyone, it's been so long and there is much to catch up on.

First and foremost - my mum died last month and so I appologise for my lack of activity on the forum - it's been horrible.

The stress of loosing my mum saw me plunge into depression, ignore my diet, ignore the supplements and just cope with everything as I could (including having to go to work)

My rectal problems have take another downward spiral, pain every single BM with the dreaded plug effect but sitll no blood. today post BM i panicked and tried to insert a vitamin E gel capsule but didnt use enough lube and it got stuck, which was very very painful.

So I'm back, problem the same as before (maybe worse) but still no blood. I saw my CRS last week who said "you're doing well, your scar tissue won't go away for a while and I will see you in 6 months"

thanks for baring with me.

FF x

I'm so sorry to hear you have lost your mum. I lost my Dad in February. It's been so sad.

Take each day as it comes ( each hour of each day can feel different to be honest) and try to be kind to yourself. Your bum problems sort of take a back seat at times like this. I hope yours recovers soon.

Huge hugs
OMB x

Such difficult times for us all

so an update from my rear end - still no blood... huzzah. But every BM comes with pain at the first passing of stool (that darned plug effect) I'm still taking all the usual stuff but this pain is getting silly and I can't think of the cause if I'm not bleeding anymore - must be the scar tissue.

Everythings settled now after mums passing and I'm back into society and back at work. Things never get easier but we learn to cope with them better by day?

Hope your all well, I've missed talking to you all.

FF x

FF -- welcome back...so sorry for your loss...but glad you have found your footings.

The pain is such a mystery for some of us long time sufferers....nerve pain, scar tissue...hard to know -- clearly what i have to say is not much help -- other than i truly sympathize with what you are going through. On the bright side - great that you have no blood!

Best - CB

tried dilating today - no blood but very difficult to 'gain entry' !! the pain is deffinately coming from 12pm position and the pain is more of a massive tight bruise. Pain on BM is still a sharp stab at the 12pm position.

I'm meant to go on holiday next week for 7 days - fingers crossed things get a bit easier.

ok bad idea on the dilation front. Had my BM today and was seering pain at the 12pm mark - that scar tissue on my sphincter is sooo tight anthing bigger than a finger is so painful! I'm back using the anusol suppositories - even they burn a bit going in.

I so want to get better. so so bad.

still no blood

very sore bowel movement this evening - the pain is all coming from the sphincter at 12pm position as always, it just won't stretch right at the anterior position meaning each motion is very sore. no blood still.

sigh sigh sigh.

I think I have reached the plateau now of healing and it wont get better than this.

FF -- when was the last time you consulted with a good doc...seems you are dealing with a combo of new fissures from time to time as well as tight scar tissue...I would have thought that dilation would be helpful in your case...is there any way you can consult with someone on this?

Sending you tons of support.

Best - Canadabum

I actually work with my consultant! I mentioned it yesterday and my formal follow up is in a few months but he said there's not much he can do now as its scar tissue that's the problem. It did cross my mind I'm tearing but he says chances are small as no blood or spasms after. It's just a long scar line from the 11 to 2pm position that's being irritated. Very depressing how close I am. I could just cry all night!

worst day in ages, had a bm late this evening after a very stressful shift, felt like I was trying to poop out a cheese grater. the pain is always in that same place but no blood on wipe or BM, and pain dissipates 10 mins after the motion has passed. Ow Ow Owwww....