Hi, everyone,
So tomorrow will be Day 1 of my Botox diary. I am going to see a colorectal surgeon tomorrow afternoon to get my first (and hopefully only) round of Botox to heal this nasty fissure that doesn't want to heal. I'm both excited and nervous - excited to finally be able to move on from all of this, and nervous for the obvious reasons. I've got a little boy of my own whose diapers need changing, I really don't need to be worrying about changing my own! Ha!
Here is my back-story:
I gave birth to my son at the end of September, last year. I had a horrific labor, which I don't really need to go into detail about. I am almost certain, after reading others' postings on these forums, that I developed the fissure the beginning of November. I had a hard stool and there was a ton of blood in the toilet bowl - something that has never happened to me before. All thanks to my OB who told me "Yeah, it's okay to strain a little". Um, thanks but you are wrong!! I clearly wasn't drinking enough water and eating enough soluble fiber during such a hormonally topsy-turvy time as I should have been. Thanks, again OB, for not explaining to me the importance of this!! Oh well, what's done is done.
I was diagnosed with having a fissure the end of November by the first colorectal surgeon I saw. He gave me an Rx for Diltiazem for 6-8 weeks, told me to drink Citrucel, and eat lots of fiber to have soft "pooh-ps". (My husband and I still laugh about the way he pronounced 'poop'.) Anyway, this dude was wrong - my fissure was really bad and it was going to take much longer than that amount of time for it to heal, which is what I learned from the current doctor I'm seeing. He said fissures typically take 3-4 months to heal (sometimes longer) and this is the amount of time from the date you START TREATING IT, not from the first day symptoms appear. Something that had I known, I don't think I would have been so anxious about it in the very first stages.
So the creams didn't work. Neither did the Citrucel. In fact I was eating waaaay too much fiber, and the Citrucel was just making me go to the bathroom 3 times a day. Not good for the agony I was in. (I remember over Christmas-time being at my brother's house, sitting on the toilet with my hand covering my mouth trying not to scream, because of what felt like razor blades sloooowly coming out of my butt. The rest of the holiday was spent sitting on my hot water bottle. Not exactly what you want to remember your first Christmas with your son being like.) I am a very healthy eater and after learning I had a fissure I thought I just needed to up the veggies and fruits and grains. I was actually making the problem much worse for me. I needed to add things that other people on here said to stay away from, such as crackers, bananas, and yogurt. Not everything that works on here for one person may work for another.
Anyway, I saw 3 other doctors after this first guy, due to the frustration and lack of healing. I tried Rectiv (nitroglycerin) and Nifedipine. Nothing really seemed to help until I started taking Miralax every night - something I found out about from this forum. That was when things started to really improve. I think around April I somehow turned a corner and things started to improve. I was finally getting spurts of 2-3 weeks where I didn't have any pain at all. But, for some reason, the fissure would continue to come back for another 2-3 weeks and I would have pain again - both going to the toilet, and several hours after (spasms). I couldn't figure out what I was doing "wrong", but I realize now that I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm doing everything right. That is what's so frustrating. And that is why I've decided to have Botox.
I have done everything I can to avoid LIS. I'm thankful this is still an option but it is a last resort for me, especially since things with my fissure have improved so much compared to how they once were. So tomorrow will hopefully mark the beginning of an end to all this nonsense. I hope that I am able to share and encourage other's with my experience, especially those new moms on this forum. I know how difficult it is to be able to take care of yourself while you have a newborn. What is meant to be such a happy time is undoubtedly tainted with pain and anxiety about pain everyday. Hang on - we will all get through this!