Hey buddies- Fissy is back

!!!
Thanks BG

-you are a sweetheart :sprinkleheart: - I will definitely check him on the net - I am just so exhausted of it all

.
There is really nothing to report

- he examined me externally and said that what I said about tag healing in 2 separate parts is absolutely true , but that white thing that I see is not a muscle but the lowest layer of a skin (if looked at it dissected vertically ) it would be subcutaneous layer and it will grow new skin from down up and fill up the gap and I need to be patient since it is only 10 days since it was cut. He said that tag was indeed unusual in form and that he payed extra attention to the way he cut it. He decided not to put suture since it would most definitely cause infection in my case and that it needed to stay open and drain continually. Also, he said that since I am so tight, the suture would brake and make more damage and this way gap makes place for new extra place to form for sphincter to stretch . When he explains everything is such a detail and with logic and shows that he gave a lot of thought about how to do it , it makes me "deflate". I came there like a "puffer fish" and than just pfffffffft out and could not scream at him

. He said that he will not go inside until 2 more weeks pass, since it would be very painful and that he is sure that pain originates from the edge of that idiotic tag on the place where skin becomes mucosa and that is place that heals the last since cells there are highly specialized. They are neither skin - nor mucosa . Since tag is on the exact place of my former fissure stretching it send exactly same nerve signals of fissure pain.
He also said that in 2 weeks when he goes in and IF he finds a fissure that is not healed it could mean only 2 things - either it is infected or my sphincter is still supertonic and I would either get antibiotic or have aLIS no 3. I said that I want manometry and ultrasound and he said that he would definitely do that for me and pleaded to just give it 2 more weeks .
I asked would Botox now do any help and he said no, that it is all still somewhat swollen and hitting area with needles would just further give trauma to the area and especially part of a sphincter that was cut - since needle goes right there. Both sides of a sphincter and by a fissure itself (third place).
So, I have to bear it all for 2 more weeks and than be examined in detail when most of the thing should be completely healed according to him and of what he seas now.
I am so happy that he did not go" in" and that I do not need extra surgery immediately and that he spent about hour explaining it all. I was so scared this morning waiting on that table waiting for him that I felt like pooping and had to run to the bathroom

in that paper gown !!! BUT- it was a major breakthrough for me LOL- I was able to poop in public restroom and under such pressure of embarrassment and hurry, that I am very proud of myself

. It was actually almost a highlight of a day

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Oh, yes, one more thing - I am ORDERED to take metamucil

!!! I said " But it makes it so bulky and painful

!!!" and he said : " BUT, that is the whole idea"!!! And I was like- you must be kidding dude

???!!! He said that it is very painful but that it is natural "stretching" of a muscle - like you do dilation to yourself and that it makes sphincter "give in" eventually and is not ever than "surprised" by accidental "big" poop . It all sound so logical, but I have no idea how to do it now when all is so raw . We made a deal that I start with one tea-spoon and day and slowly make my way up.
I asked about Nitro and he said he would rather me not using it since he wants to see if I would heal naturally and not with "outside help" which can give us impression that all is fine . Again - very logical explanation

. I said that it makes me feel much better and he said that than I use it but try to stop when I feel comfortable , that medicine is one thing and patients feelings separate factor that is equally important. So, I will try to ease off the cream a little, but not completely until I feel confident enough that spasms are really down to minimal level.
That would be all my dearest friends

:heart7:

!!!
Thanks for all of the concern and all the prayers - I am absolutely sure they made my appointment much , MUCH better than I expected
I hope all of you did have nice day today, pain free or at least almost pain free and that your hope is renewed and faith strong

:sprinkleheart: :sprinkleheart: :sprinkleheart: :sprinkleheart: :sprinkleheart: