Dear Corsi,you seem very depressed.i think we can all relate to those horrible feelings.dont know how many times i wondered if life was worth living and wudnt have survived if not for my hubby and son.as lecia says,u shud think about the surgery as you are in so much pain.its definetely not a life with a fissure.maybe botox isnt working for you now.please call your crs and sort it out soon.incontinence is a rare and wont happen with a good experienced surgeon.
please dont give up hope corsi.ill be praying for you.

Hey Corsi buddy :( - I am so sorry to hear that you are in so much pain , physical and emotional and unfortunately they go "hand in hand" , no way around it !!! I do not think that anybody with so much pain for so long did not ever think of "checking out early" :( . Nine years is just waaaaay long , dear Corsi, and you should be proud you came this far and achieved so much in your life in spite of it all. You have two beautiful sons and good husband, many friends, job that you love. Don't let an ass h*** to take it all from you buddy - you have so many options still available !!! Find a CRS who is more self-assured and will have no problem doing LIS on you. Other option is to have more Botox in stronger concentration and also, why not use Nitro or Nef. too at the same time ? There is no contraindication in that at all and if your CRS says that there is - he is out of his mind !!!!
I know what you mean by saying that you feel like "empty space", I felt same way when I first got my fissure and spent days sitting on the sofa on heating pad and could not do ANYTHING. I cried one day saying sorry to my older daughter that I am "no fun" any more and can not go with here places as the two of us used to do all the time and she told me: " Mom, just knowing that you exist makes me the happiest person in this world, even if you would be just a blob sitting there forever, not even able to move or speak. Just seeing your face makes me forget about all worries of this life...". I cried even harder, of course, since she touched my heart so deeply. I hated myself for not being able to do all that I used to do for my family and pain took away so much from life - and I knew that all of those moments are lost forever. BUT, we have to look forward to NEW moments and seise them with all our might. We have to look for solutions and try new approaches until we are well again :genie:. Do whatever it takes dear Corsi - you have nothing to loose and most importantly - you CAN do it, you went through so much so far - I have no doubt you will
beat this stupid thing too !!!

I have no words for you all but : you guys all kick butt !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously! It makes me soo happy to see everyone on this forum giving each other so much support and love. You guys all deserve a huge pat on the back!!! It's soo great of you all to open your old pains and bring them alive just to comfort others.
:thinkofyou:

SunshineHope wrote:I have no words for you all but : you guys all kick butt !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously! It makes me soo happy to see everyone on this forum giving each other so much support and love. You guys all deserve a huge pat on the back!!! It's soo great of you all to open your old pains and bring them alive just to comfort others.
:thinkofyou:

I second that, all of you & yesterday!
Cheryl, no I am not at the end of the road, nor have I tried everything, but it has been over a year with this fissure and so many years with my digestion disease. For my sanity, I need to get back to work and get my life back without dreading the next BM, buttpain....
I guess all of us fissuresufferers could have written the same...this is so life wrecking to all of us.
Happy wrote in another thread something like: "incontinence is better than having fissure pain...", and I think he is so right. Incontinence would be terrible, but this is just as bad. So fed up with liquid food, pain and my butt.
Depressed? I don't know, I feel very unstable and down, it's like I don't dare think about the realities of things - it's like it's too much to take in...it has been so long and we're all fed up with this. It's like now things should be back to normal so I have to pretend to be normal (whatever that is...).

Bootychops wrote: I can understand the feelings of despair and have battled with what kind of life can I have and if it is like this then I don't want it. My husband had to physically restrain me to keep me from killing myself after my hem surery didn't heal and I was in such great pain.

I don't think that people who haven't had health problems and pain can ever understand what an impact it has on people, especially when it lasts and lasts and lasts.... And Lecia, I know too well that you can understand - have thought a lot about you and your buttproblems lately, and on everybody else here who suffer from this or other health issues...
I hope Juney's slow healing speeds up, that Val can say "good riddance" to her fissure and neck problems soon, that you youngs mums (Pinky ++) will be able to enjoy your small ones without the companion of a cruel fissure, that both Jo and Jared will be able to live a life without any kind of health problems, that Lecia will get the most pain free bum ever (!), that Sunshine will be able to travel to the East without any kind of fissure probs., that Tabby finally will heal, that Happy will be virus free, that Fissy really does heal....etc.,etc.
The good thing for Kim will be that he doesn't have to listen to all of complaining about our butts, which he does without ever complaining
Corsica
I love all of you....
I have called my CRS and I hope he will call me back. I will ask for LIS after Christmas, have to have a back up plan. I dread LIS, but I will do it!!!!

Thank you for your well wishes, Corsi. I second all of those!!!
I think it is great that you called your CRS. I know that having a plan of action and something left you can try really helps us mentally to cope. You have been through so much with years of digestion problems which were bad enough, now you have problems with it coming out. It is a disability though unseen and unappreciated so it makes it harder to deal with the isolation.
I went to Thanksgiving with some family I haven't seen in 4 years though they only live less than 2 hours away and know about my health problems. You could tell they were uncomfortable and had no idea what to say. It was awkward to say the least!
I hope your better days will soon outnumber your bad ones.
We love you too!
L.

Corsi,
Maybe the LIS will be what you need. I think it is the mental angst that is so bad. Maybe an anti-deppressant might help you. When you are in the midst of a problem, it is often difficult to be objective about it and see it clearly. I wouldn't have agreed to an anti-depressant if my Mayo GI doc hadn't suggested it as well as my gp. Good luck. I have started praying for you also when I pray for Jared.
Cheryl

Bless you Corsi
Good for you for making the call !
I really do know how you feel you have tried and tried, been so patient and its taken its toll :(
I will continue to hope and pray you turn a good corner soon …
Know that you are in my thoughts sweetheart

Corsi,hows your butt today?Dont dread LIS.it will give you your life back.im praying you heal soon.Take good care of yourself and dont worry too much.everything will fall into place with time.let us know what the crs says

Corsi dear - if you have only LIS and nothing else done - you will be up and running in no time There is nothing to dread, really - nothing can compare to fissure pain (except post-hemorrhoidectomy pain). Sometimes we just have to do what we have to do and not what we want to do . It is always good to have a plan "B" and it is also always easy to cancel it if you change your mind.
:nevergive:

:hi: Corsi,
You are such a kind hearted person. I haven't been keeping up with the threads like I want, just so much going on, but I am thinking of you and praying that you get over this pain and have a normal life. You deserve it!

It is scary to do the LIS surgery, but it sounds like it would be very helpful for you.

Take care dear one.
:redlove:
Jo