Happy birthday to u, happy birthday to u, happy bithday our racheal1984!! Happy birthday to u!!! Hip hip hooray!!! :-):-):-):-) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx have a wonderful day rach!!!!

Have a great day R, and hopefully you dont even notice your butt.
Congrats :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!
Hoping you have had a wonderful day! & Good to see you are NOT here this evening!!!

Thank-you so much everyone! YOU ARE ALL SO LOVELY, I WANT TO CRY, HOW KIND YOU ALL ARE!!!! I had a fab Birthday, enjoyed the day, Luxury Pedicure was lovely.Lovely Shellac polish, which will last 4 weeks. I had some lovely food, i wasn't brave enough to have any wine.... 
I was so scared that it would mess things up back there. Lovely bottle of Echo Falls White Zinfandel just sitting in my fridge.
No problems today, Soft BM on a Scale 4, no real irritation or pain.I have been trying not to use the Nitro and just using Vaseline prior to BM.
ETO.... Thank-you so much for the reassurance. I do hope that i am healing.I can feel some hard areas around my Bottom hole, i think i have a fair bit of scar tissue, so i hope this won't cause any further issues.Glad you enjoyed Scotland, have a ball in Turkey, you deserve it.x
   

So glad you managed to have a great birthday Hun..... Who would of thought you would be happy again and enjoying life only a few months down the line. Now if ever anything in your life feels so bleak and hopeless again, you can think back to how strong you have been to keep fighting those monsters and come out the other side!!
I'm truly happy things have turned round for you. Xxxx
 

Great to hear you had a fab birthday!!
I just got a Shellac polish done too! Well, last Sunday (a week ago) Looks fab! and they still look great x x x x

Thankyou OMB, you are so supportive, and i wouldn't keep fighting without all of you. I have had a setback this morning, 1st BM was fine, then Second BM, there was some stinging afterwards, and minor pain.Now i have looked back there and there is an opening at one of the Fissure sights. Oh great.... just when i was doing so well.I ate plenty of Veg and Fruit yesterday and nothing out of the ordinary.What the hell. Flipping Fissures, i god damn hate them.... It doesn't look too major, but is a little sore and uncomfortable when i sit. Sigh... Back to this again.
   

Week 19
Definitely a re-tear. Sore on BM and stinging afterwards. I can see the little S*** has opened again. This is annoying, I was doing so well. Now the Botox is at week 18 I doubt there is much left. My anal sphincter had tightened up a little again and my BM are still bristol 4, so I am doing everything I can, but still not good enough. Called the CRS secretary, he is on holiday until next week. They still haven't had the report back from the MRI. I had it done 4 weeks ago. Well anyway she said I will receive a letter soon with detail on what to do. Hopefully this is another minor re-tear and I will get back on track.  

Oh Rachael how disappointing I'm really sorry to read this. How many movicol are you taking? I know Bristol 4 is good but for healing fissures I always found Bristol 6 to be better, up it for a few days, go back to your sitz baths 3/4 times a day it may help that pest to relax again. It's so annoying when CRS is in hols & nobody there to help happens me all the time. Hopefully Botox is still working. Fingers crossed in a day or so you will be fine again. Take care x

Thanks Edel, just had a second BM. I am crying, it is really stinging and sore back there. I feel sad, I pray to god I am not going back to that hell pain. I am so scared that this one monster isn't going to heal... Did your second Botox do anything, I know you went on to have LIS anyway, so if this continues I want something else doing! Oh god I am breaking down again. Need to calm down and try to be positive.. Again!