Dunno anymore...
My spirits are very low. If I was healing, Im having a major setback. On the other hand, if Im not even able to have a normal BM, how much could it have healed...
This seems like the never ending story of pain and missery :(

Sorry bout my ignorance, was in a very bad mood...
Im happy you are doing well, and I hope you are enjoying your trip. Alcohol in large quantities always gave me loose bm/diareaha, but right now I stay away to figure out what works and whay not.
I bought a win7 puter yesterday, and installed sql express 2008, and visual studio 2012 web. All I need now is someone to guide me through, when my butt settles down again

We'll go through it on Monday, we surely must be feeling a better by then. Weekends are tough as there's more normal people around. With our unusual asses, we are definitely far from normal my friend :)

Crackinup- I'm normal. I just can't sit or use toilet paper...lol

Soon, this pain hell will be my new "normal"
Sigh...

It's just another dip in the roller coaster of life. Soon we will be going back up!

Maybe, but I want off

When my fissure was at its worst, I would focus on anything that would make me happy. I would lay in bed At night and watch a movie. My butt would still hurt, but the movie was the highlight of my day and gave me something to look forward to every day. I would try to get lost in the movie.

Its not the pain per se thats driving me crazy. Its the rollarcoaster ride. Hopes up, then dissapointment. If only I knew the timeframe for this, I would be able to cope.
Keeping the possitive attitude is getting harder, the more setbacks Im having. Heck, I dont even know if Im healing, or if its just my fissure turning cronic.

I know how you feel. I monitor my progress week to week and at first it was month to month. It took a month on miralax morning and night before I could start going week to week. Also squatting and cleaning off in shower instead of toilet paper. I finally feel like I'm getting somewhere. I'm going to take miralax forever lol. I don't like taking it, but I sure am thankful for it. I'm just worried that even if I heal in a few months that I will still be super tight and have to worry about tearing it again. I guess I will worry about that after I heal. One thing that picked me up when I was at my lowest and had the most spasms was something I read. It read that you have to have a lot of endurance to beat the fissure butt. I like how they used the word endurance. I felt like fissure made me weak, but in actuality I have to have more endurance than other people to cope with real life plus a fissure!