Hi wounded,
Hope you are okay today? Alyssa and MS, I can totally relate, there have been times when I don't want to live.... I have been in such a dark place that I just thought life wasn't worth living.... Please don't give up hope, there has to be an answer.
I'm praying for everyone and my heart breaks when we are all sad and in pain. Xxxxxxxxx

Thanks Woundedspirit. I will have to look for those times that I am glad I am here but lately it has been very difficult. I lost my beloved dog this spring (cancer) and still cry about her and miss her so much. My marriage is in big trouble and I have lost all my social life. I was working on my education but had to take this semester off as I just can't handle any more stress and my sitting tolerance is nil. I really can't see the reason to go on. I keep thinking about all the things I want to do so badly but I cannot see a way of getting there when everything I have tried has failed. I only have more of the same to try and don't see how they won't fail too. I just need a reason to believe as the blind faith has worn out after 9 solid months of this, preceded by several years of chronic pain!

Sorry to hear that times are tough for you too. I really hope the advancement flap is the answer for you. My understanding is that this surgery is reserved for those that have failed or cannot have LIS or those that have a really deep fissure. Is that you? Why do you think your LIS failed? Did it seem to work initially?

Thanks Rachael. That is very sweet :)

Dear msimon. I can see that you are in a dark place and are struggling on many fronts. My heart goes out to you becasue I have been there before. In my darkest hour I have reached out to a loving and merciful God who brought me through and I had many many happy years. I am now in a rough patch again but have not blind faith, but faith in a God who works all things to our good if we trust Him. God has given me the strength to make a decision on my flap surgery and I think I am going to schedule it just after the new year. My LIS was not successful because of previous hemorrhoid surgery that left scar tissue causing stenosis. Scar tissue does not stretch so I heal to a point then something has to give and it is the fissures. But for others without this problem LIS is VERY successful. You can try this and chances are you will heal. I am thankful I have found that place inside that spurs me on to take action and get my life back no matter how hard I have to fight for it and I hope you do too! I go through some very depressed times but am glad that I am feeling like I can beat this. Don't despair. There are more things for you to try. I am sorry about your beloved dog. They can be such a comfort during hard times. I am keeping you in my prayers msimon.

Thanks Woundedspirit. You have such kind and reassuring words. The trouble is I am struggling so bad with what to do. I do have options but it seems that everything I try makes me worse. I got botox in the internal sphincter and I couldn't leave the house for months due to urgency and it made my pelvic floor muscles upset. Then I got it into the pelvic floor and now my butthole burns worse that ever. Like I can't even breathe at times. I don't know if this is nerve pain or what. It also made my sphincter so tight I can't hardly have a BM and I have always had at least 3/day. So I am in agony. I just don't know what to try next. More botox to get the right pelvic muscles or LIS. Every day I waffle back and forth and I think this has made me insane! Oh I have the fight but no good information on what to do. I just know I can't live like this but I also can't live with it getting even worse, which I am terrified of. Thanks for listening

msimon - I can see where you would be having a hard time making a decision. So sorry you are in so much pain. I sure know how hard it is to wrestle with these type of decisions. At one point or another I think we are forced in doing something. Praying you are able to find the right choice. Do you have adequate pain medication and have seen more than one CRS for second opinions?

Hi, I'm so sorry you're struggling. I've been in that dark place so I know how you feel. If you need LIS go with the surgery. It's really a simple procedure and for the majority of people it works great. The problem with botox is it's kind of a guess if they injecting just the right spot. Also with botox it can spread and cause problems elsewhere. That's even true if you take the shots for migraines. My journey has been almost 8 years, in 2013 I finally had two advancement flaps done. To say I was scared is putting it mildly. I put that surgery off for almost 5 years. My recovery has happened in stages. The original surgery site healed within 2 months and then I went through aching and burning off and on because the nerve endings were new, that lasted for a few months and I thought ok I can live with this and then another stage, I can sit and have a normal bm and actually wipe the area, who would have thought. It's baby steps and I was given a 2 year recovery but I'm so grateful I was able to have the surgery. To be able to sit and walk up the stairs is beyond wonderful for me. I take less than half a dose of miralax with tea during the evening and I dilate once a day, I don't really stick to any particular diet anymore (infact too much fiber doesn't sit well with me) and that's it. My only regret was not doing it sooner. Don't be put off by other people experiences. Some people do have a very rough time but most people do heal. Keep looking forward. Wishing you all the very best. Suzy

Thank you Woundedspirit and Suzy. Sure didn't mean to hijack this thread Your kind and reassuring words mean so much to me.

That is really interesting what you say about the nerve endings Suzy. I wonder if that is what happens to me when botox wears off. Initially when it wears off I can be in so much pain but then it improves, usually. The problem is that right now I have tried so many things and nothing has worked but I don't actually know what is causing the pain. It may not be the fissures, or at least maybe not all of it. It may be pain in my other muscles from compensating after the botox. This has happened to me before but never this severe.

Woundedspirit, I did week another CRS opinion but the first time the guy saw me he couldn't see the fissure (which is really weird as my usual CRS could). He wants to do a scope under sedation but the wait is 4 months! This guy also told me that the surgery could give me neuropathic pain as I am so sensitive down there. That really make me hesitant. That and the fact that the botox made me so urgent and unpredictable I didn't leave the house for months at a time It also made me feel like I had to have a BM a lot, even when I knew I was empty. And I'm not talking a little bit, I'm talking like I am so loose my organs are going to drop out! I honestly don't know if pain or that is worse. Guess I have to figure that out in time.

No problem msimon! Glad to have your comments and hope I can be of some small encouragement. You have a lot going on and understandably all the unknowns make for hard choices.
Thanks Suzy for your input. Your story inspires me to not give up and that people can beat this even with the extra problems of scar tissue and stenosis. I think I am scheduling my surgery for January.

Glad you came to a decision Woundedspirit. That is almost the hardest part. I hope you have a great surgeon and that this finally works out for you.