Wounded Spirit's Diary

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Re: Wounded Spirit's Diary

Postby woundedspirit » 21 Sep 2014, 21:19

Thank you Rachael. I do have a lot of family and many friends. Two of them have had AF so they know the pain but they were acute and healed within 2 weeks. So they can't really relate to 2 years and all the failed treatments. I think I am going through a lot of re-evaluation of life - of my own life. I suppose it is only through adversity that we find out what we are made of. I have a lot of forced relaxation. I was always a worker both at home and my career so I am missing that as well. Most of my alone time is self imposed and my choice. I think it is a period of re-grouping and working through this situation (and dealing with pain) but it gives me a lot of time to think and I like to share my thoughts in this diary. I think it helps me to sort it all out. Thank you for your prayers and the poem. I love it! :) Hope you are doing well today.
Hemorrhoid Surgery
Scar Tissue
2 Anal Fissures
Failure of All Topical Treatments
Failed LIS
[size=85]EUA and Fissurectomy
Hoping to avoid Flap Surgery
woundedspirit
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Re: Wounded Spirit's Diary

Postby Rachael 1984 » 22 Sep 2014, 07:39

Hi Wounded...
You're right, adversity does make us stronger. I find dealing with ongoing chronic pain difficult.... It's worn my body out and it's going to take a long time to readjust everything. I will need some kind of help soon... Whether it be massage, Reiki or something similar, I'm going to take time for myself... Do you do any of the above? Xxx
Hem Banding sept 2012
2Fissures
Nitro- Effective short term
April 2013-Botox-Effective short term
Diltazem-No effect, developed Rash
July 2014-Diagnosed High Resting Pressure
LIS performed on 17.9.14
Ongoing pain/re-tears. Awaiting pressure test results.
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Rachael 1984
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Re: Wounded Spirit's Diary

Postby woundedspirit » 25 Sep 2014, 00:55

Yes I think this is a lot of stress on our bodies and something like yoga would be helpful. I don't know what reiki is, will have to look that one up!
Hemorrhoid Surgery
Scar Tissue
2 Anal Fissures
Failure of All Topical Treatments
Failed LIS
[size=85]EUA and Fissurectomy
Hoping to avoid Flap Surgery
woundedspirit
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Re: Wounded Spirit's Diary

Postby Rachael 1984 » 27 Sep 2014, 03:03

Hi Wounded,
Reiki is used to balance out different area of the body and it's based on healing through spiritual means of mind body and soul.... I used to have it and it really helped last year when I was in hell pain. Yoga might be an option when I get myself back up and running! How are you doing today? Xxxxxxx
Hem Banding sept 2012
2Fissures
Nitro- Effective short term
April 2013-Botox-Effective short term
Diltazem-No effect, developed Rash
July 2014-Diagnosed High Resting Pressure
LIS performed on 17.9.14
Ongoing pain/re-tears. Awaiting pressure test results.
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Rachael 1984
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Re: Wounded Spirit's Diary

Postby woundedspirit » 27 Sep 2014, 21:09

I am doing okay. I've been worse and and I've been better. You know how it goes. Today was a good day until I over did it and got a terrible rectal spasm. A hot soak in the sitz bath helped but it took a while to get it to go away. I have a friend who does a lot of yoga but I don't think I could do the positions without stirring things up right now. I pray and meditate and try to think of good and healing thoughts. How are you doing? I am keeping up with your posts. Think I will check on you right now! :)
Hemorrhoid Surgery
Scar Tissue
2 Anal Fissures
Failure of All Topical Treatments
Failed LIS
[size=85]EUA and Fissurectomy
Hoping to avoid Flap Surgery
woundedspirit
Proctosphincteranalogist
 
Posts: 287
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Re: Wounded Spirit's Diary

Postby woundedspirit » 28 Sep 2014, 21:59

I think one of the worst things about having anal fissures it the part where I feel so trapped. There is no way out. One has to go each day even when you have a fissure and there is no avoiding the agony. I felt this more in the beginning and the terror of it has subsided somewhat over time but it hits me once in a while. There is never a day off or a vacation from it. It is really quite a hell of a thing.
Hemorrhoid Surgery
Scar Tissue
2 Anal Fissures
Failure of All Topical Treatments
Failed LIS
[size=85]EUA and Fissurectomy
Hoping to avoid Flap Surgery
woundedspirit
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Posts: 287
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Re: Wounded Spirit's Diary

Postby msimon » 28 Sep 2014, 22:53

You sum this up so well Woundedspirit. I have and still do really struggle with this aspect. I feel so trapped in my body and this has brought me to contemplate suicide so many times. It often seems the only way out :(
Dec '13 Fissure from anoscope
3 X internal sphincter botox
'08-'15 Botox for pelvic floor dysfunction
Nov '14 LIS/sentinel tag removal
Feb '15 Deroofing of recurrent infection from LIS
summer '15-healed but still ongoing muscle dysfunction/pain
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Re: Wounded Spirit's Diary

Postby Alyssa » 28 Sep 2014, 23:22

"I think one of the worst things about having anal fissures it the part where I feel so trapped. There is no way out. One has to go each day even when you have a fissure and there is no avoiding the agony. I felt this more in the beginning and the terror of it has subsided somewhat over time but it hits me once in a while. There is never a day off or a vacation from it. It is really quite a hell of a thing."

I agree with you ws... My family can't believe that a simple ass pain has changed me within these last months... I too have contemplated not being here anymore because I don't believe that living in pain is actually living... No one understands unless you go through it yourself. I wish I was in higher spirits but am currently worn out; i been very emotional these last two days. Those of you who have dealt with these issues for years, you are true warriors.
2/14 Fissure developed
3/14 Diagnosed w/ fissure given Nifedipine
4/14 Referred to Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy=Pelvic Floor Dysfunction
5/14 Fissure declared "healed"/chronic anal pain persists
9/5/14 Botox to pelvic floor
9/22 biofeedback
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Re: Wounded Spirit's Diary

Postby woundedspirit » 29 Sep 2014, 19:48

Oh msimon - I know just what you are saying. There are stretches of time that I just don't think it is worth it. But then there are ALWAYS times that I am so glad and thankful that I am here. Times that I feel good, times with my family and friends that I would never have wanted to miss. And I always hold out hope that I have a normal life in my future or at least a life not so filled with pain. You still have many options, an LIS, a second LIS, flaps and so on. I have some left too but it is hard to get there and go through it. I feel your tears. I do.

Alyssa - I agree unless someone has gone through this they cannot understand how encompassing it is however much they care about or love us. It is hard to believe that if these cuts were ANY where else on our bodies they would have been healed in 10 days! Isn't that just crazy. But you too have many options left. I am sorry your spirits have been so low recently but they will get higher and be low again before it is all over. With that said, it is still a hell of a thing. My heart goes out to all of us here who suffer.

Thank you for sharing, it validates so many of my own feelings and I don't feel so alone. I hope I could give even the smallest encouragement.
Hemorrhoid Surgery
Scar Tissue
2 Anal Fissures
Failure of All Topical Treatments
Failed LIS
[size=85]EUA and Fissurectomy
Hoping to avoid Flap Surgery
woundedspirit
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Posts: 287
Topics: 12
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Re: Wounded Spirit's Diary

Postby woundedspirit » 02 Oct 2014, 19:21

Have spent most of my spare time today reading every post I could find on advancement flap surgery. I think I am coming to a decision point.
Hemorrhoid Surgery
Scar Tissue
2 Anal Fissures
Failure of All Topical Treatments
Failed LIS
[size=85]EUA and Fissurectomy
Hoping to avoid Flap Surgery
woundedspirit
Proctosphincteranalogist
 
Posts: 287
Topics: 12
Joined: 14 Jan 2013, 17:00
Has thanked: 6 times
Been thanked: 13 times
Gender: Female


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